


The Words That Heal Us

by journaliry



Series: For Grace or For Glory [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dead Character, Domestic, Humanstuck, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, psychostriders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-04-17 03:47:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 44,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21690454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry
Summary: After the events ofThe Cuts Between Your Thighs, Dave and John start a new life together. After settling into John's childhood home strange occurrences begin to take place around their new home and disrupt their new lives.Music Playlist: (YouTube Link)
Relationships: Aradia Megido & Damara Megido, Dad & Dave Strider, Dad & John Egbert, Dirk Strider/ John Egbert (One-Sided), John Egbert/Dave Strider, Nepeta Leijon/Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido
Series: For Grace or For Glory [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581214
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	1. A Gentle End

Your dad agreed to let you see it one last time.

You got Natalie to distract your husband, she told you that she'd bring Dave up to her place and figure it out from there. You didn't want him to know that you were visiting that building. You know that there's no secrets between you... but you don't think Dave needs to know you wanted to find a way to say your goodbye to... well, that place.

Your dad is standing somewhere behind you, you're so entranced by looking at the monstrosity. 

You can't recall ever seeing it from this angle. It was so rare you ever caught a glimpse of it when you were out and when you finally ran out, you didn't look back.

There it was. Several stories tall, rusted on the outside, dead grass surrounding it, along with police tape and one police car stationed outside. From what you heard they are still searching for more remains that they believe could be somewhere inside. 

It looks like no one lived there in about three decades. 

Inside...

It doesn't have air conditioning. The power ran on generators.

There was wires nearly everywhere you stepped in your memories.

Looking at it now... 

You feel like it should be demolished. 

It was filled with memories, most of them weren't even yours. Nearly all of them of violent anguish.

And yet. It is still a home where against all odds, you made a life there.

Against all odds... it's a home where you fell in love.

Against everything and everyone... you made it out and you saved Dave's life in every way you could.

You softly turn your head to look to your side, there's nothing there. 

Still, it feels like he's with you...

You turn your head around to look at your dad. 

He takes a few moments before he says anything.

"Are you ready to leave soon, son?"

"I am..."

"I'm glad." Your dad was trying to find the words. You speak up before he's forced to say anything. 

"I'm sorry... that this-" You sigh and start over, "that things had to be this way."

"It's alright, son." Your dad tells you softly, "none of this is on you."

"I know." You close your eyes.

You start walking towards the parked car, "I can't wait to get away from this place."

You lightly laughed, "gives me the creeps!"

* * *

You said all your goodbyes. 

Of course...

All of your goodbyes were different.

Travis cried, Aradia bawled, Vantas brushed it off claiming he was too busy with work. You could swear you heard tears in his throat though. Dr. Serket refused to treat your parting like a goodbye, Arenea told you that she was going to talk to you over the phone soon for your next appointment. You smiled at her, she couldn't let go of your hands. Natalie was smiling through her tears. She brought Dave and you a gift, snacks for the road and a full pack of red bull. Natalie said it helps her get through the day when she's running on empty, _"and I bet you're tired of all these goodbyes, so you probably need this!"_

You were so excited when Natalie started talking about your new life and that she expects you keep her updated on how the weather is when it starts snowing! Still you felt a bit of pain in your heart to leave Natalie behind. Especially since she screamed and cheered at seeing your wedding band. She was such a ray of light and so bizarrely funny, like a spit ball of sunshine. 

The last person that you spoke to was the one person that you knew that you had to speak with. No matter what.

You had to thank Ms. Teresa personally for her help. You honestly felt that Ms. Teresa helped lift the burden of dealing with _him_ off your chest. She gave all she could to rip _him _off of you and Dave. You felt such pride in your heart when she thanked you. You don't know what you showed her. You don't know what you taught her. But you hope you changed her life for the better, even if it is just a small thing. You need to start paying her back for her help. 

Your goodbyes mostly consisted of other's saying 'thank you.' No idea why everyone was so ready to thank you, they were the ones who made all of this easier on you and your better half. You prefer the part where you showed off your ‘hot new wedding band.’ That’s what your husband calls it, well... he said it once. Anyway! Dave loves the damned thing! He can’t stop showing it off and playing with it. Even now!

You’ve been sitting in the middle seat right next to him, watching him fiddle with his ring as he stares out the window. He's been looking out that window since you exited the motel in Utah and continued your drive to Washington. Dave seems fixated on some thought, but he’s softly smiling. Every time you pull him away to talk to him, he goes right back to drifting off into space, and yep... twisting that wedding band of his. 

It's like clockwork. 

Dave suddenly sighs, the sigh of a man who is hopelessly in love. Seems like he might be thinking about you. 

You giggle, covering your buck teeth with your palm.

Dave looks over at you. He grabs onto both of your hands to hold them. 

His eyes aren’t covered by shades. You can see your husband's expression clearly. Dave is obviously waiting for you to giggle again. 

_ 'Damn it.' _You couldn’t help it, you turned your head away and started giggling again. Once you moved your hand away, Dave quickly pecked your lips and pulled away just as fast.

You were still looking away, but you know your lover was staring at your smile, so you started blushing. 

You narrow your eyes and lay your head against Dave's shoulder.

Wordlessly telling him that he just got you again.

Every second you spend staring at Dave is a second that your heart gets tied into knots. 

You guess it's just the situation... your life is finally beginning. 

Your husband asked, “excited to get back to Washington?” 

“You already know the answer to that.” You closed your eyes, softly breathing a pant out of your nose.

Dave continued, "so.. you're going to have to show me around the neighborhood. I was thinking we could go on like... walks together."

“Oh!" You say the words like you're surprised at what a good idea that is, in all honesty, you are surprised that is what he was daydreaming about.

You laugh. Happy that your husband is daydreaming about your new life together. 

You happily cheer and start verbally daydreaming yourself, "we can go sledding! Oh! And have a snowball fight. Awww! And make a little snowman on our front lawn! And I can make you hot cocoa and we can decorate a tree together for Christmas! Oh God! Christmas! We have to actually get each other real gifts this year-" You start rambling more so to yourself than your husband, "what am I going to get you?! Damn. It has to be perfect. Maybe I can get you a few small things and one nice big thing. When am I going to find the time for that? With all the other things I have to..." 

You're cut off when your dad starts laughing. "We have time to think about that later. Just let yourself take a break as we settle in, son."

Dave starts laughing and then corrects your dad, "John doesn't take breaks."

He's right about that. You don't. 

Never a moment of your life that's wasted!


	2. Untied Hands

_You're bouncing your son up and down on your knee. Johns biting down on your index finger. His teeth are starting to come in, poor thing, his gums must really be hurting him. You smile down at the little guy. His moms not doing so well at the moment. She's resting in bed. You've been more than happy to take care of your son these past couple of months on your own. Your wife has been ill from giving birth, and she has a fever again today. You've been taking care of her in between taking care of John. You sigh once you hear a noise in the kitchen. She's up again. You love her to death but she’s driving you nuts. She can't ever give anything a rest. You're sure she's sucking on an ice cube right now. She wants to give the illusion that her fever's lowered for when you stick a thermometer under her tongue to take her temperature. Your wife knows that you won't let her hold John when she's got a fever, and she's so insistent on breastfeeding John, even when she's unwell. Her fevers high again. She's always fatigued, even though she tries so hard to push through it. You want her to just rest up, but she's a determined mother._

_You look down at John, he's looking up at you with his bluebell eyes and his pinchable puffy cheeks._

_Damn. When your wife asks, you're not going to be able to resist handing him over. You just want to watch her sing to him. You can't help yourself, you're only human._

_. . . . . . . . _

_Days like this make you really wish the love of your life could have lived to see John go to school and see just what a bright young man he has grown up to be. Even during summer, on his vacation and in a big city, John still just wants to read some history book he picked up in a gift shop. He couldn't put the thing down yesterday and he's already done. You're sure once your son finishes up changing in the bathroom he's going to ask for some money to go out and find another book. You're feeling tired of prepping for the next conference meeting, you think you're going to head out with him and explore the city streets of Houston again. Just then, you hear the bathroom door creak open._

_"Dad! I'm going out!" When you look up from the desk, you spot your son, hand already on the door handle, ready to leave. John's dressed up in his swim wear again in a huge baggy tee and a pair of blue swim trunks. He's wearing a brimmer hat and carrying two cans of soda in his hands. _

_"Where are you going, son?" _

_"I asked my new friend if he wanted to meet up and hang out at the pool! And guess what he said!?" Your son lets go of the door handle only to toss both his hands up in a big gesture. "Guess!"_

_"What did he say?" You chuckle._

_"He said yes!" John's smiling so brightly. You never see your son get so worked up over anyone. He only ever seems to care for books and a handful of movies, that and he likes to spend his days alone. If your son made an honest to god friend then you want to see this through._

_"That's great, son." You beam at John as he hovers near the door. "Text me when you're coming back upstairs, John. I'm going to try to get the bulk of my work for the conference done. How about after that, the two of us go out and have some pizza for dinner."_

_"Awesome! I'm gonna have lunch with Dave, he offered to pay!" John turns the handle and starts heading out, "I'm probably gonna be a while, once Dave gets me started I just don't stop gabbing!"_

_"Ha." You smile and laugh. "Well, maybe I'll give you some money next time you two meet up so you can get some ice cream."_

_"Dad! Do you know how freaking lame that sounds!? I'm not a kid anymore!" John pulls his head back and bends his knees with his hand still on the handle. _

_You don't miss a beat. "I'll give you twenty dollars, son." _

_"AUGH!" John tosses up his hands. "Fine, but I'll say it's for nachos, or something cool like that."_

_"Sure, son." You turn back to your work with a smile on your face as John lets out a huff and closes the door._

_You only get a few things out of your mind and onto your laptop's screen before you notice something a miss besides you. Oh. Wonderful. Your son forgot the hotel key. You told him to keep it on him because there's always a chance that your colleagues are going to want to meet up in person and talk about work. You need to go down and give it to John just in case. You definitely don't want him to get locked out. _

_You grab the small white card and head out down stairs. The elevator ride down was packed and the pool lobby even more so. You guess you should count your blessings, the pool is nowhere near as crowded at the moment. You look around and scan the bar stools, John said he was going to get lunch and- there he is. Sitting down talking to some boy his age, and both of them have ice cream cones in their hands. "Ha. Would you look at that."_

_You walk up to the two of them, once you get close you can hear your son practically yelling at the other boy, "-haha! Yeah!!! I know that the film version doesn't have enough time to add that into the plot, but it was so freaking cool to watch how that plays out in the books! You have no idea! If you want a book recommendation, I suggest that series more so than any of the other books I talked about so far!"_

_"Ha. Times like this makes me with I wasn't illiterate." The kid jokes. _

_John breaks out into ugly laughter. Your son holds up the cone as he grabs at his side. You move a bit closer to the two of them and hover between the boy and your son. John's still snorting and laughing. When your shadow casts over John, he looks up at you with a questioning look, when he sees it's you, he smiles, "Oh! Hi, Dad! Something up?"_

_You smile down at your son and his new friend, "you forgot your key, son." You dig into your back pocket and hold up the small card. John slaps himself in the forehead and scoffs at himself. "Ugh! I'm so sorry! It slipped my mind."_

_"You have nothing to apologize for, it gave me an excuse to get out of doing work, that and I'm glad I could finally meet your friend here."_

_"Uh." The boy looks up at you, shades on his face accompanied by a panicked look. He frowns and then puts on a blank stare. "I'm Dave." The boy lifts up your hand for you to shake. When you take it, he applies a firm grip. His palms are soaked, the two of them must still be wet from the pool or something. You smile and ask Dave if he's a tourist too when you back away from your handshake. John doesn't hesitate to answer, "he's a local! He said that he knows all the best places in the city to eat and Dave's gonna take me out to this place that makes the best garlic knots!"_

_"What? Our kitchen?" You smile as you explain for Dave's sake, "John here makes the best garlic knots I've ever had, even better than his mom did."_

_"Okay, Dad!" John rolls his eyes, "thanks for the card! You can go now!"_

_"Can't you just spare a few moments till I get to know your new friend here a bit better."_

_Dave looks down at the ground besides your feet the moment that you look at him. He wraps his arms around himself. Dave seems to be the nervous type. Something has the boy looking tense. John must see that too, he pats Dave's back and jokingly says, "well Dave's illiterate and he loves apple juice and that's all you need to know about him." Your son laughs as Dave smiles, the boy looks like a hermit crab starting to come out of its shell. Dave smiles as he says, to John more than to you, "and John only reads books and watches god awful movies."_

_"Hey!" John playfully nudges Dave's arm with a closed fist, "the movies I watch are terrible in the best ways! I wouldn't go so far as to call them **god awful."**_

_"What would you call them then? Crap?" Dave chuckles._

_"Shut up, Strider." John narrows his eyes at him. You chuckle and smile. Against his own will, John smiles too. As much as you want to get to know Dave, you should leave the two of them alone. You say your goodbyes and wave as you leave. John seems embarrassed that you decided to wave and say "I love you" as you walk off, but Dave's waving back with a smile. You're sure you didn't 'totally blow this for him' or whatever your son would say. _

_You head back after your room after that, you should really finish your work. Once you sat down at your desk, time must have just flew by because the sun is setting outside your window. It's getting late. John's got his phone on him and you're sure he's still down by the pool... but there's a part of your mind that just can't rest until you know where your son is. You get up and track back to the place you last saw him. _

_He's standing right by the pool, still talking to that boy you left him with._

_Johns standing with his hands behind his back. Your son is standing tall and smiling as he looks up at Dave. As happy as John looks in this moment, his face also looks so peaceful. You've seen that stance before. Those eyes before too. That face and that look. In this moment, he looks so much like his mother. _

_You look down at the ground for a moment, hoping to readjust your eyes. You need to look at this again with fresh eyes. Maybe you're just seeing things? But no, double taking in the sight, you can clearly see Johns standing the same way that his mother used to stand whenever she was talking to you. You don't know anything about this Strider boy, but you know that John is comfortable around him. John looks so happy, and that's enough for you to be happy too. _

. . . 

_He's still not picking up. This is the fifth time you've called him and each time it went right to voicemail. John said he was just going to head out to the vending machine to grab some late night soda, he's probably still over by the machine. Maybe he brought a book with him and sat down. That's right. He must have gotten distracted. He's very prone to doing that._

_You head down to where John said he'd be. You see worse than nothing. There's a pile of black and blue rubble on the floor. You recognize that sticker on a broken piece of an old phone. It's that slime ghost from that movie he loves. Your son's phone is on the ground. Completely shattered. He wouldn't have just left it here on the ground, even if it was shattered. That and... it's completely broken apart. John can be clumsy, but there's no way that he could just shatter a phone with a case this badly, not unless... **'was there a struggle?' **Something must have hit him, and hard. Instantly, you have the panicked thought every parent fears could happen, deep in their soul, **what if someone took your child? **_

_A thought flashes through your head. _

_ **Dave.** _

_You met the kid on and off over the month. Dave always seemed unsure and awkward. You noticed a few bruises on his arms and legs and he looks frail for someone with so much muscle. He's muscular... and at his age too. It doesn't make sense why he would always flinch whenever you reached to pat his back or start to curl into himself whenever you hovered near him and John for too long. You can't help but think that he -or someone that he knows- has something to do with this, but what do you have to go off of. You don't even have the kid's number and John's phone is smashed to pieces. What are you supposed to do? What can you do? _

_._

_. . . _

_ . . . . . . _

_. . . . . . . . . _

_. . . . . . _

_. . ._

_._

_You're sitting down at your desk again, you can't even bring yourself to pack your pipe with tobacco. You just stare down at nothing as you try to think just as blankly as your stare must look. Your mind can't stop dwelling on injurious thoughts. Thoughts you'd rather stay buried, but every time your hands are idle, the thoughts resurface._

_There's no more dishes to do, no more floors to clean, no more places to dust._

_The laundry baskets empty, all the clothes are folded and put away. _

_You dwell on what else you can do now that all of your house chores have been exhausted. _

_You can't bake** another **cake for the neighbors. _

_Your therapist told you to start searching for another hobby because all of your numerous old ones haven't been able to keep your attention. You drag your gaze over to the piano where you taught your son how to play. You can't even bring yourself to play one note on that thing. It's probably out of tune too. You haven't touched it since you've last seen your son. You keep thinking to yourself that somehow you touching it when you're this miserable you'll completely taint all of your memories you had with the thing, but just seeing it there, just sitting around and gathering dust for six straight years... maybe you should clean it._

_ **Your son would want you to clean it. ** _

_You stand up and make your way to the kitchen to get some proper polish to clean the piano._

. . .

_You wiped down the entire thing. It's all clean, almost like it is brand new. You graze your hand over the smooth wood finish. You feel tempted to press down on one of the white keys. No. You can't bring yourself to do more than just dust the ivory keys out of fear you might play a single note. You can't do that. You told yourself the next time you hear that piano get played it will be John playing it. _

_Six years have past now, each day it chips away more and more at your soul... but you have to keep moving, for your son. You keep hoping that one day he's going to return, and when that day comes, you know that he's going to need you. John's going to need you to be strong. You need to be strong for your son, you can't let yourself be weak enough to just give up. You need to live everyday like he's going to come home tomorrow, your therapist told you not to think that way... but therapy hasn't been helping you of late. Dreams of your son returning and wrapping him up in your arms keeps you moving. _

_You drag yourself upstairs. You want to rest. You want to sleep, but you don't think you can._

_You stare at your son's old room, that white door that you pass everyday should haunt you... but it's comforting. _

_You walk up to it and open the door. As you pull the door out of your way, you spot the large plastic bag you placed years ago on John's bed. You kept one of his shirts that way to preserve the smell. You can't see your son anymore, or hold him... but when you breathe in something that smells just like he did... it makes you feel like he's still with you._

_You glance over at his desk, he used to always tap away at that computer and try to teach himself how to code. He would hunch over and bite his tongue with the overbite that he got from his grandmother. You miss coming into his room to tell him dinner was almost ready. You miss hearing him tell you to close the door whenever you left it open and how he'd groan about you never listening to him. You wish you would have listened to him, remembered all of the things he wanted you to remember. Make life the easiest on him it could have possibly have been. _

_ **Life for him must be so hard now.** _

_You take a deep breath and hold it in as you hold the shirt up to your face. You feel like letting out a few tears, you don't know how you can bring yourself to cry any more tears than you already have. John probably wouldn't want you to come into his room just to cry. You can't sully your only child's room with sobs. If you're going to cry again, you are going to need to leave. _

_You pack up John's shirt and neatly place it down in the same spot you always place it, perfectly in the middle of your son's bed. _

_You head out of the room, as quickly as you could without running. You walk faster when the scent of your son leaves your senses. You rush into your room and shut the door, for some reason you feel like hiding your tears behind these four walls, like that would prevent the world from knowing the depths of your pain. You feel like if you cry in your own room, behind closed doors, then no one would ever know. All of those people you go to mass with, your therapist, your neighbors, your son... you don't want them to ever know everyday you weep in despair. _

_Whenever you go to mass, you get looks from all of the women there... they clutch their children a little tighter, some of them tell you that they are still praying for John. Some of them let slip they pray for his soul. You know, you know... that everyone thinks John is already gone, that he's in heaven with your wife... But you feel like John's still here on Earth, that the trail of life God laid out for him isn't finished and who would know better than you? You're his father after all._

_You place your back against the door and start to slide down, you slump to the floor and hold your head. Your throat is filling with a dry, ache. You can't hold back the tears any longer. But this is fine, this is routine. If you cry behind a shut door and nowhere else, you feel like that will protect you from the pain of anyone knowing that you're a completely broken man._

_You lost everything, your entire world was stripped from you because you let your son go out of that hotel room at night to get soda, it's your fault. _

_You let him go... _

_It's your damned fault..._

_You took him with you, you shouldn't have taken him with you. You volunteered for that business trip in the Houston heat because you thought it would be a nice change of pace for you and your son, you thought a summer vacation would do John well. John never liked kids his own age and never wanted to go to summer camp, you thought he'd like going to the city and taking in the sights of a museum or two or swimming in the hotels humongous pool. You dragged your son along with you because you didn't trust he could stay on his own for a full month even though he insisted he was old enough to take care of himself. _

_You pray to God every day that he was, you pray that he is still taking care of himself. _

_You _know_ he is. You know it in your heart. _

_John's a tough kid and he's sharp like a blade. John's probably fighting everyday to break free of wherever he is and to come back to you... and when he does, you have to be ready for that. _

. . .

_Morning comes. Your eyes feel like they are welded shut. You have an ache in your neck from the way you slept. You want to get up from bed, you feel like you should... but today you just feel a heavy weight on your chest, if you get up all the air is going to be knocked out of you once you make breakfast and turn around to see there's no one to sit with you. You can get up in a few more hours, you don't have work till Monday._

_Then all of a sudden, you get a call. It used to make your heart jump when you got a random call in the morning. It use to, now you only feel apathy. You turn towards your nightstand and reach for your phone. After you answer with your name... the man on the other line spoke in a gruff, drained tone, "THIS IS SHERIF VANTAS FROM HARRIS COUNTY-"_

_You sound as desperate as your heart feels, "you mean you're in Houston, right?" You sit up in bed. He tells you exactly where he is, he asks you if you have time to talk._

_"Ye...yes." Your voice shakes, you tremble._

_Your heart sinks as he goes on. He's leading up to say something. If he asks for you to come down to Texas to identify your son's body... **his corpse...**_

_"I DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR HOPES UP-"_

_'Wait... what?' You can't believe what you're hearing._

_"I NEED YOU TO IDENTIFY FOR ME -OVER A VIDEO CHAT- IF THE MAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCREEN..."_

_Your world fills with light the moment you hear the words,_

_"...IS YOUR SON."_

. . .

_You instantly rushed to get everything in order. The sheriff talked to you on the other line and your curseded hands wouldn't stop shaking as they attempted to type in all the information you needed to call Vantas. Once you got everything in. You hung up your call with the sheriff over your phone and listened to the dial tones of the video app you just installed. _

_There, casted in shadows with the soft glow from the laptop on his face, sits your son. His face is filled with black bruises and his skin was so pale. He starts scratching a bandage on his face as he looks nervously away from the camera. _

_John laughs as he lifts up his hand and says, _

_"Ha... hi, dad." _

. . .

_Dread and fear were replaced with joy and a renewed love for life._

_You called your work and told them everything, you told them you needed a vacation or sick days or time off or whatever they could muster. They understood your situation was a unique one, and gave you the freedom to leave work to meet your lost and found son. The Sheriff told you that it's for the best right now if you drive down instead of hop a flight, that John might not have said anything but he needs some more time to recuperate, you completely understand. You're happy to do whatever is the best for your son._

_You already packed everything you think you're going to need and then some. Then you called up the priest from your church and told him the reason for why you're not going to be coming around on Sundays. He told you that he was going to lead another mass prayer for both you and your son. You called up your therapist and told him you might not ever need another session with him again. He never showed many emotions whenever you spoke with him, but he seemed like he was almost choked up when you told him that you were about to reunite with your son after six long, dreadful, painstaking years of nothing. You even called up your niece -your only other living family member- and told her about how John was found, Jane asked you if you needed any money for the travel, you told her no but thanked her for her kindness._

_You're already on the road and you're so grateful for everyone you know, you're so grateful for all of the love you have in your life. You used to feel like your life was empty, but now you can see just how much you really have. Your family may be small, your friend circle might be tiny, but everyone you know just showed you how happy they are to hear your voice finally filled with Joy. _

. . .

_On your drive to Houston you had to stop to spend the night in a motel, you made sure to fill up on gas the morning after. You got another call on your phone and answered with a gleeful voice, and a spring in your step. Your face pulled into a vibrant smile the moment you heard your son's voice._

_John needed to call to tell you how badly he always missed you, how he always thought of you and how your guidance as a father kept him strong. He sounds even more articulate after all of these years. You want to ask him where he was, what happened to him... but those painful questions can be answered in person. For now, you focus on just returning John to your loving arms. _

_When you talked over the video call, he had a cut on his face. His hair was still short. You wonder if he cut it himself, it looked poorly maintained, but that's an easy fix. You can take your son to the barber and then to get ice cream right after, just like when he was a boy. Or perhaps he feels like he's too old for that. _

_Now, as you drive on, you focus on holding your son again. Swooping him up and soothing him when he cries in your arms. You're going to play the role again of a proud father, you're going to be strong as you comfort your son. You know that he's a man now, that half of his life he was raised by you and the rest of his growth he had to do on his own. You guided him through childhood, but adolescence was a journey he had to undergo without you._

_You can't bring yourself to dwell too long on the past, you just focus on the future. You blast the radio as you rush down the highway. You usually obey the speed limit, but you dash down the fast lane the same way you did when your wife was on the verge of giving birth. She was drenched in sweat, clutching the seats and screaming at you to drive faster. _ _You smile to yourself at the thought._

_You're just a few more hours away from seeing your son again. You're sure your wife is smiling down on the two of you._

. . .

_You parked in the lot the sheriff told you to. You walked into the front of the station and gave your name, you were wearing a smile the whole ride over, but now you have a twisted feeling in your gut, like you're going into the hospital to get your appendix removed. Every second that passes you hear a loud click from a clock in the hall. You just swallow down the fear and make your way over to the elevator. _

_It's just a few more seconds now before the doors slide open, and once they do... then it's over. The waiting will be over._

_You walk out to the top floor and towards the sheriff's office. You were told Vantas was interviewing your son. There's a spark in your mind now, it ignites a flame. You started by asking yourself a question about just why John would be in the sheriff's office in a city this large with this much criminal activity? Wouldn't the sheriff have more things that would be preoccupying his time? _

_Just what happened to your son? Why is it so important that the sheriff himself would want to know more directly from your son and not just have someone at a lower level ask for him?_

_You knock on the door and politely wait for permission to open it. The sheriff opened the door himself. You peak into the room and spot a young man sitting down in front of the police chief's desk. The boy is struggling to stand up. He grabs two crutches and hops up._

_Your son is turning to face you._

_You felt every ounce of joy pushed out of your stomach. In the video you saw his cut. You saw how weakly he lifted up his hand. Your son looks so pale when his skin was always as dark as his mother's but now he looks ill. John's entire leg is wrapped in a huge cast. When you're done staring at John's injured leg, you pull your eyes up to meet his. _

_John looks away from you. Like he wasn’t even ashamed, just disappointed in himself._

_You stagger as you walk up to him, you let out a pant._

_Your son looks so fragile, like if you wrapped your arms around him, he'd just break. _

_"John." You didn't even notice how dry your throat was until your son's name escaped it. _

_John dropped his crutches. Your son rushes up and hugs you. He pulls you tight. He wrap his tiny arms around you and began to pour his tears into your shirt._

_“Son. It’s alright. It’s going to be okay.” You wrap your arms around your son, holding him as gently as you can._

_By God's grace, your son is in your arms again._

. . . 

_The sheriff pulled you aside once your son told you he had to use the restroom. Vantas asked that you call him by his first name, seems like he wanted to talk to you man-to-man. _

_Karter told you just what this case had in store for you and your son. It drained all of the color out of your soul when he told you the name of the man who took your son from you and just what kind of man _Dirk Strider_ is. _

_Sherif Vantas told you that your son was kidnapped and held captive in an apartment. When John ran out, he spoke to Karter directly and told the sheriff something you couldn't believe... _

_ **Dave Strider had no part in his kidnapping...** _

. . .

_Then, for the next few days… nothing. John said nothing. He gave you no insight to how he was or what he went through. John didn’t express that much interest in anything and he didn't talk that much about anything either. He seemed very drained and depressed. You were hoping that he'd express something when you took him to see his old home... he didn't seem moved by any of it. He even told you something akin to he didn't feel like his room was even his anymore. You hid from your son how much that broke your heart._

_Everyday, you'd make him huge breakfasts in the morning and feasts for dinner. John couldn't keep down most of what you made for him, but you'd be damned if you let up. You need to keep your hands busy and keep your mind focused on your work anyway. If you just keep your attention on all the dishes you make for him and then clean, you don't have to focus on how thin he looks as he sits at the table and how weak he seems when he moves._

_John took to reading even more so than when he was a child, and you recall just how many books he could get through in a month as a kid. John was never seen around the town house without a book in his hand. He'd read at the table as he waited on you to finish cooking. Occasionally, you'd turn around and smile at him as you tended to all the pots and pans on the stovetop. John looked so drained, but when you'd give him a smile, your son would gift you a smile back. That's all you need for now._

. . .

_John's answering questions again. You want to hold onto his hand, but he's a strong young man. John is holding himself together very well as he answers questions about his diet and his life. John is still very polite and he speaks with the lawyers with utmost respect. You raised such an incredible son. Even with the life drained out of him, he still is polite company. _

_Then John is asked a question about... that boy directly. John's asked if Dave ever cooked anything just for him._

_John shutters, even though he sounds like he's drained of any and all emotion. _

_Your son explains to the room that Dave tried to make something for his first birthday under that roof, but that man poured food right off the stove into John's lap. _

_John isn't stunned by that like you are. John just continues to answer more questions. _

_John tells Ms. Pyrope that Dave and him slept in the same room. John tells the room that Dave would bandage all of John's wounds and then Dave would be forced to fight on the roof. John keeps on recounting how Dave would treat his cuts and burns, like that was important for everyone to know. _

_You can already tell... just how much John cares for the boy._

. . .

_You're carrying a decently sized plastic laundry basket in your hands. You know your son doesn't want you to go into his room, but he fell asleep on the couch again and when he's up you want to make sure he can sleep in nice fresh sheets. John doesn't seem to think upkeeping with laundry is important, he'd much rather read and dream. You want to start encouraging him to take care of himself. Maybe once you wash all of his things he'll see how nice fresh, clean clothes can be. _

_You step inside his room. The bed looks like a bird's nest with the way all the blankets are tossed around and there's over a dozen books on his nightstand. You smile. Those are probably the next long reads he's going to tackle. Once he's down to two, you better go out and buy him some more. _

_There isn't much to read on the shelves in this home. John's already cycled through everything there was that was of any interest to him. You're only renting out this place, lucky for you the owners keep all their furniture in here. You're sure you're going to end up staying in the city longer than a few months, you better look into seeing if you can find another place by the end of your allotted stay. You and your son are guests here, you better make sure that everything stays in order._

_You get right to work. You begin placing the sheets into the large basket and you start taking apart John's bedding and- there you see it._

_You found an old shirt, covered in filth._

_You stare down at the thing..._

** _ drenched in blood. _ **

_You toss the old, dirty baseball tee underneath the bed. _

_Long after you finished changing his sheets, John woke up. He notices right away that you're in his room. He seems very upset about it, almost angry. You ask him, "what's wrong, son?"_

_You pretended that you saw nothing._

. . .

_It was morning now, John got up and took a shower. He told you how much he struggles with not getting his cast wet, but he's such a jokester... he had a good laugh about it. Even through all of his pain, he's still cracking jokes. John's eyes are red again today, you ignore that he's been crying, he so much like you, he doesn't like when people worry over him so you just tend to your cooking and start setting up the table instead of asking him about his tears._

_When you finish setting down all the dishes, you place a single empty white plate in front of him and an empty glass that you fill with the freshly squeezed apple juice you just made. Instantly, your son chokes on a sob. You struggle to find what you did wrong, "son... what is it?"_

_"I-it..." John's holding onto his mouth, shaking his head at the sight of the glass. _

_Your son confesses to you... _that it was his best friend's favorite.

. . .

_You tossed out all the apples in the town house, you crossed apple-anything off the list of things you're going to make for your son. No apple anything from here on out. _

_Your son seems too emotional about anything that so much as hints at the remembrance of Dave. _

_You can't find yourself to see things from your son's perspective. Your son was with Dave the whole time. This whole time._

_The boy that he met in the city, the boy he hardly knew for more than a month before he went missing._

_The two of them would spend every waking moment they could together. _

_It was so strange to you, you could have sworn you spotted someone with white hair trail behind you and your son at some point. At the time you were sure that you were just imagining things, now with the information you were given... you know that he really was stalking your son. You can't bring yourself to understand why John doesn't view that as a problem. John's been making excuses, saying that Dave couldn't have known better, that he was raised by a lunatic. You know that John is trying to find the right words to convince you that Dave was kind to him, it all just sounds like he's trying to reason with himself instead of you. It sounds like your son is trying to defend his own mind from breaking under the pressure... and trying to hold back realizing that Dave was no good for him. Even though it sounds that way, you still listen to your son. You still nod like you're accepting his words. He knows that you don't. John's smart, he also always knew how to read people well. Something he could even do well as a kid. That's part of the reason you think other twelve year olds didn't like him, John would always ask questions and he would always press people to get a real answer out of them. You know that adults found it charming, but other kids hated it. John was smart... right... but even so... he wasn't clever enough to escape _that man. 

. . .

_You've been dreading taking John to see the prosecutors, you've been dreading seeing John hurt and stressed again from searching through all of his past memories for things to use against** that man. **It's clear he's guilty, but John seems to think that he needs to push himself to say as much about... Dirk Strider... as possible. _

_You can tell John is really just looking out for his best friend. John always had a big heart. He always did tackle everything with empathy and compassion, something you always loved about him. However, John never felt like he could connect with anyone. He never felt like he had any friends and he never seemed to want them. He would never let himself get bullied or picked on. John was too good with words for anyone to ever belittle him, that's what he always told you... right... John never had any friends or enemies at school... just his books..._

_But during your trip to Texas, John met another boy his age on the street. They would talk every moment of the day so long as Dave didn't have work to do. John would cheer whenever he got a call on his phone from Dave and whenever he got a text he'd fall back onto his bed and hum to himself. You found out that Dave would walk a great distance everyday just to see John. John and Dave would talk for hours by the pool and Dave would offer to buy John up anything he wanted, but John would always just say that he wanted Dave's company. You felt something... something you're sure your son didn't even recognize... You know that Dave is more than a friend, even if John won't tell you that. You know that John must have stayed with Dave... _out of love.

_That's it. Isn't it? Dave must have taken your son's heart. John is struggling to let go of him, but you know John was held against his will. John tries to tell you that Dave was beaten and tossed around, but Dave must have guilted John into staying. He must have... your son would have wanted to return to you, more than anything. Your son would have wanted to fight for his freedom... if he wasn't in love. _

_You sigh as you walk into the building, holding open the door for your son as he walks by on crutches. No doubt John is going to spend all his time building up an argument for why Dave is at no fault again._

_Then you see a cheerful young woman rush up to John, "it's you again, Sweetpea!"_

_You recognize her, she was the woman that talked to you the other day. She told you that your son was a kind man and she even took John to walk Pyrope's seeing eye dog. John confessed to you after you both spoke with her, that he struggled to get through it, but he was glad he went on a walk with her. This woman made everything so much easier on your son. You feel like thanking the woman in front of you, but you can't come off so strong in front of John, you'll have to wait and see if you can find a time you can talk to her one-on-one... Natalie you think her name is. You owe her the world._

. . . 

_John's therapist is speaking to you in the hallway, she's trying to find the words to tell you to explain that John needs to avoid anything that looks like a belt or a dog leash. Dr. Serket is trying so hard to spare your feelings. You try to listen, all you can hear is a long white hum. _

_Your ears are ringing and you can't even focus on the noise. You feel like you're stone. You're a hollowed out shell of the man you once were. The father you once were._

_When you hear crutches coming down the hall, you turn around. You swallow down your pain and smile at your son and ask him if he wants to go anywhere to grab something small to eat, you already know that the answer is no. John tells you he just wants to get back to his room and rest. He's tired._ Always tired. _Much like you are. But you'd like your son to eat first before he gets any more sleep. You know he can't eat much. You know he struggles to eat and then even after he gets down a meal, he struggles to keep down the food._

_When you hear John heaving into the toilet upstairs you always instantly rush in to help him._

_John seems to want to take care of himself and do everything alone..._

_You won't let him._

_ . . ._

_Your mind can't settle. There's nothing in your head but damaging thoughts. You've been picturing your son being in pain for years, and holding him in your arms only quiets down the thoughts, it doesn't end them. All of that time that he was out of your view, you've been thinking of how horrible his living conditions were. You imagined the worst, but then when you saw him with a broken leg, drained of all life and color, starved and missing a finger, you realized that your mind only scratched the surface of how bad your son's life away from you really, truly was. _

_You can't imagine how it was, living under that roof. You can't imagine how many times he cried, how badly his stomach must have been aching him, how constrained he must have felt. You feel your soul tearing up. Your son still walks around the house late at night. Wandering around to grab water and sometimes you find him collapse in random places. He seems fine with laying down on the floor. You hate that. He doesn't remember to eat somedays until you come into his room and bring him water. Books don't seem to distract him right now. He seems so focused on some thought. He will zone out and stare at nothing, sometimes you find him tracing the outline of the furniture with his fingers and muttering something under his breath. _

_Watching your son in this state and not knowing his past. _

_You just can't feel sane. Your mind can't settle. _

_Not till you know. You need to know. _

_The next time that you take John to speak with the prosecutors, he leaves you alone with his therapist. You are standing next to Serket. The doctor can sense that you've been trying to build up asking her a question throughout the pleasantries you exchange. You two are about to part, seeing that the meeting you two just attended is over, but you want to get something off your chest. _

_Dr. Serket sucks in a breath though her open mouth and then lets the air out of her nose. She turns her gaze away from you and then looks at you. Over time, she's come to viewed you as a friend. As a doctor, you can imagine she doesn't like to get to personally involved in her clients lives, but she's such a delight to speak with. She has such a caring soul. She can't distance herself from you and John. She looks at you with empathy and pain in her eyes. "Something on your mind?"_

_You take only a moment to set yourself up to speak. "Some days, John just sits down at the table. He'll just stare at his food and not move after he picks up his silverware. I've never seen anyone look so..." You hesitate to admit it, "weak." You shut your eyes. You hear the door across the hall open. You're only maybe six feet away from the door. You look over and see Pyrope step out, you hear her heels click against the tile floor and then silence. You continue speaking, unafraid if she overhears, still you keep your voice low. "I can't stop picturing the worst." You picture John going through hell. His body being thrown onto the floor, a blade scratching his face, a man holding him down, you picture your thirteen year old son, unclothed and terrified. The absence of knowing how much of it is true is leaving a scar on your mind. The void of knowledge you have for John's experiences... it's making you feel like you're uninvolved. It makes you feel like you don't know anything about your own son and his pain._

_"I keep picturing all these... all these terrible things happening to him. Every time I look at my son, I just keep imagining worse and worse. He-he can't look at dog leashes without being uncomfortable. I stop wearing belts because he jumps when he hears the sound of the metal clicking against my keys. I Never in my life did I ever see him have pale skin." And he is his mother's son, in every sense. They used to look the same. Smile the same way, bounce back the same way. Nothing could ever shake either of them. "John just... he looks defeated. He looks resigned and... I can't stop imagining why. I feel like if I knew what you know, I could make sense of it." You finally ask Serket, "_ _I just want to know, what was the worst of it."_

_Teresa shuts the door behind_ _her, "you don't need to know that." _

_You look over at Pyrope. She's still facing the door, her cane in one of her hands and the other hand still clutching the door knob. Teresa faces away_ _ from you and Aranea, she continues down the hall. You keep staring at her back, watching with out expression. _

_Aranea looks down at the floor, shame in her eyes. Ashamed of her silence. She can't speak out against Pyrope. _

_They both seem to think that knowing anything won't give you peace of mind._

_ . . ._

_You're nervous about this. Your son is being called as a witness to help Dave's case. John is well composed about this, but you don't think this is going to help him. John needs to move forward, he doesn't need to embrace Dave any longer. This is only going to serve to hurt him in the long run, regardless of if Dave really does care for your son as a lover or not, you're certain Dave is getting the book thrown at him. _

_You're sitting behind the prosecutors, Ms. Megido is building up the case against Dave Strider. You can't hear anything they are saying, despite your desperate attempts to listen in._

_Then. The door opens. John steps in, hopping down the aisle in his crutches. _

_John pauses the very moment that he turns his head and spots Dave. You can't see your son's face from here. You desperately want to. But you can see Dave's, he looks so drained. Like he wants nothing more than to be dead._

_You turn and stare up at the stands. You patiently wait for your son to get up there and make his peace._

_. . ._

_You're in the hospital now. You feel like beating yourself, you punch your fist into your forehead as you sit next to your son's unconscious body. John passed out. He panicked from being pushed too hard and then fainted. You do your best to keep it together. You're so angry and hurt and sad and just pissed. Why does everyone keep trying to get your son to relive his pain? He should be moving on from it. He needs to just move on. Move forward. You want your son to get better but everyone keeps tormenting him. _

_When your son comes to, he seems so upset that he failed to defend Dave. You took him home and put on his favorite film, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He just stared ahead, glossy eyed. Then John gets it in his head to place a pillow besides him, and then another. And then a few more. John leans onto it and shuts his eyes. John peacefully drifts off to sleep. You shut your eyes tight. You grit and bear it. Your son is only going to be content so long as he's picturing... _

_A boy that's a stranger to you._

. . .

_You can't recall ever seeing your son so happy. You can't even remember a time where John jumped for joy like this, maybe when he was a baby, but he always was a quiet kid. The moment you told John that he could see Dave again he rushed to hug you. _

_You hold onto him tight. Seeing John so happy fills you with an emotion you forgot how to feel._

_You can't let him go. You don't want to let him go._

_You hold onto this moment as long as you can._

_You love seeing your son happy. You love him so much, you're so filled with joy._

_But still, a bitter seed is planted in your gut._

_Your son is happy... because he wants to see _his best friend_ again._

. . .

_There's a pain in your heart. It hasn't left since you drove John back from seeing Dave. John told you that he made up his mind. That he is going to marry Dave, no matter what. His words were filled with so much patience and love. John thanked you for being so patient with him, he tried to see things from your perspective, but you don't think he ever can. Not unless he ever has a child of his own. You pray in your heart he'll never understand that pain, he has been through a lot as it is. If he is ever to be a father, you can't ever let him feel your pain._

_Right now, you're in the lawyer's office, walking with John back to the car. You just picked him up after he spoke with the prosecutors. They all seem fine with John getting married, you didn't hear Dr. Serket bring up any objections. You let out a dejected sigh. They must not feel like it's their place to speak._

_Then... Megido seems distressed, she kneels down to speak with your son on his eye level. Megido confesses that she was wrong about how she viewed Dave. John speaks with conviction, telling her that he could forgive her if she would help Dave be proven as innocent._

_You feel something almost akin to fear as... she... agrees._

. . . 

_Now John and Dave meet regularly, they watch video tapes that they need to review. You ask constantly why John needs to view them, why that is important. John told you himself the answer, that they are going to play one in court and he needs to be ready to view it, and so does Dave._

_John even told you that seeing those tapes puts his life in perspective, he can see what he gave for Dave's protection and he can show his fiancé that Dave went through the same pain that John did. Your son tells you that Dave is hard on himself, that Dave can't bring himself to care about his own suffering and that he feels the need to suck it all up and push through it for John's sake. _

_John seems to think the tapes have been helping not just him, but everyone._

_John told you that the sheriff seems like he views him differently. Vantas seems almost intimidated by your son. The few rare times that you see Vantas he seems to regard your son with the utmost respect and Karter apparently pays his dues to Dave as well. _

_Then... Karter asks you if you'd be willing to compromise something. That you would be willing to stay under his protection, but also sacrifice a few freedoms. He seems to fear that someone will come after Dave if he speaks up and gives names. Dave has to give the names and addresses of everyone that he had as a client. However, there were many people that were in touch with Dirk that he knew the names of as well. Many people who... abused him and took advantage of Dave when he was just a boy. _

_John strongly wants Dave to speak on the behalf of everyone affected by Dirk Strider. All of those victims and all of the... future victims. You know that your son had crossed paths with a dangerous man, and you don't want to put John in any more danger, but seems that you raised John to be too selfless. John wants to get justice for those Dirk has wronged. You understand. You will do as your son wishes._

. . .

_You help carry in one of the mattresses into the room. You agreed to move into this safe room in the prosecutor's office building as a means to protect your family. It's not really traditional witness protection, but Dave does need to speak with the prosecutors face-to-face and this is a good way of doing that you suppose. _

_You spent a day helping get things set up. John was in such a bright mood the whole time. He was sure that Dave would be seen as innocent in his ruling. John poured his heart into that thought. Then the verdict came, and Dave was guilty of a crime that he did commit. Dave was charged for prostitution. _

_You saw a part of John’s heart snap and break in half. _

_You couldn't see why a boy, from the age of eight, would be punished for a crime forced upon him. You pulled your son into a hug after he gasped, John kept his head focused on Dave- like he’d never see him again. You could feel John breathe heavy as his heart beat like a drum. _

_Then, because Dave was held in the same maximum security prison as his father, he was seen as serving his sentence by the judge and the jury._

_Dave was free to go._

_John welcomed in the man that held his heart and his soul, your son was so happy to have Dave here._

_John was certain marrying Dave was what he wanted, but you couldn’t wrap your head around the thought of Dave being family… it was such a foreign thought. You hardly knew him. But he made John smile so brightly. Still, that raised a flag in your mind. John was miserable if he wasn’t with Dave. He was so dependent off of him for everything. He couldn’t sleep unless Dave was besides him. John would forget to eat some days in the town house you were staying in, but with Dave here, when Natalie brought you all dinner, John would actually put down his book and happily eat, encouraging Dave to do the same to keep his strength up. Just the other day, John rubbed a napkin on Dave's face and he laughed at how messy he was when Dave got rice all over his chin._

_Hell. John didn’t even want to go to the bathroom without Dave's okay. Dave didn’t want John leaving his side. It strikes you as off. You thought hard about it, you choose to accept that as a product of circumstance. John was in danger, Dave was in danger. They wanted to stay together to keep each other safe. But still... even after just spending one day with them, you feel like you saw more red flags then reasons for why the two of them should stay together. _

_It's night now, John just done with reading his novel, Dave was sitting with his back to the wall and listening to his headphones with his eyes shut. Then John sat up and pulled off Dave's headset. Dave smiles, opening up his bright-rust colored eyes._

_John must have decided to ask Dave about the bag he dragged out of that old apartment. The bag Dave convinced the sheriff to let him grab, "what's in that duffle bag right there, sweetie?" John's pointing down at the duffle bag Dave's been keeping on the floor next to their mattress, almost like Dave was waiting for John to just grow impatient and ask. _

_"Oh... uh..." Dave moves forward to grab it as he says, "just something that I've always been meaning to give to you." Dave seems hesitant to open it._

_"It's another gift... for me?" John seems almost stunned._

_Dave places the bag between the two of them._

_You watch intently as Dave unzips it. John gasps and covers his mouth with both his hands._

_John looks over at you, his eyes are so wide, he seems almost like he's panicked. Then John looks back at Dave as Dave pulls out... several wads of dollar bills._

_Dave confesses to your son, "I'd go to this room in the apartment and I hid this bag full of my money in a bathroom... I know I brought a lot home with me too... but that was more for appearances... this here, this is the bulk of what I made for like two or so years. Every bill in here is a hundred or a fifty. I figured that... it was the least I could do for... for you."_

_John wraps his arms around Dave and almost starts weeping. John holds Dave's cheeks and tells him, "think of the life we could make with this! We could go to school, start careers! We could buy a home and have that life we always wanted."_

_Dave shuts his eyes. John plants kisses all along Dave's face. Thanking him for saving the money that Dave rightfully earned for himself to keep. _

_Dave... seems to be a good kid. A good man to your son. _

_You shut your eyes and look away as John weeps gleefilled tears into Dave's chest. _

. . . 

_The time you've been spending with your son and his future husband has been... interesting._

_Dave seems very polite to you, he always has been. John seems happy when Dave says, "please" and "thank you."_

_John expects that Dave starts having a bit more manners too, he scolded Dave on eating with his mouthful and also for wiping his hands onto the sheets, that and swearing in front of you. Dave has a... colorful vocabulary to say the least._

_Why just this very moment, as a response to a joke Natalie just told Dave, he responded with, _

_"Shit, bitch. Really?" Dave then shuffled some of his rice and beans into his mouth._

_Natalie didn't respond. It seems like she didn't find that response to be out of the ordinary, at this point you think the two of them must speak that way when you're out. You wish she'd teach him more manners like your son is attempting to. _

_Of course, John takes a deep, calming breath and sighs it out._

_John gains Dave's attention by calling him, "honey."_

_"Yeah?" Dave put down his fork after hearing John's tone._

_John sets down his own tray of food onto the floor and tells Dave,_

_"I know that you were raised around... unfavorable people... but you can't just call someone a bitch, sweetie."_

_"Isn't that..." Dave looks down at his food. He rethinks his question and then asks John, "is that like... another swear?"_

_"Yes, sweetheart. It is." John places his hand on Dave's knee and patiently explains to Dave, "you can't say that kind of thing to people in polite company..._ like my dad."

_"Oh... but uh..." Dave looks down at his tray off food and then up at John, "isn't that like... hmm... never mind."_

_"Noo-oh. What's your question?" John smiles at Dave._

_"I don't... know if I should..." Dave looks away from John._

_John explains, "the best way to learn is to ask questions."_

_"Okay." Dave looks at John and Natalie as he asks, "isn't... bitch just another word for a woman? or..._ no?"

_Natalie instantly starts hacking. She's laughing like crazy. John gives her a look, like he doesn't see what is so funny about what Dave asked. Natalie says, "Sorry! Sorry! It's just- I didn't expect to hear that!"_

_"Uh...ha." Dave seems to actually feel better hearing her laugh. "I thought you might get like... offended if I asked."_

_"Hon," _ _Natalie pats Dave's shoulder. "How can you be expect to know any better when you weren't taught better?" _

_Dave explains, "yeah... I mean... it's just that... I heard that word thrown around a lot... and it was like... used that way."_

_"I'm sure in the company that you were surrounded by, that word** was **used like that. But you can't say a couple of words I'm sure that you heard, sweetheart." John pats Dave's hand and then holds it. "You can swear when you're with friends, like me... so... that's why I never corrected you... but around people you don't know, swears aren't okay to use." Johns talking to Dave almost like he's a child. Johns trying to explain the world to him. _

_"Okay..." Dave nods. "I just don't know what is wrong to say and what isn't... is um... cunt not... a 'polite' word either?"_

_Natalie snickers and then laughs again, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! It's just... that really got me! AHAHAHA!" You can see that your son is giving her the side eye._

_"So it's not?" Dave asks._

_"Sweetheart. It's not." John shuts his eyes and kindly answers. "I'd prefer if you didn't say that too, honey."_

_"Oh. Uh... Can you like... make a list then?" Dave swallows down a laugh as he looks at Natalie. She's covering her mouth, trying to hold in a snicker. Her face is completely pink. Dave continues, "for all the words I shouldn't say?"_

_"I can try." John smiles and tries hard not to laugh at Natalie's response as she burst out laughing again. _

. . .

_You're sitting down at the desk in the safe room. You're reading the paper Natalie so kindly brought for you._

_John's out on his own, he's been out for a while. You suppose you should use this time to get to know Dave._

_You fold up your paper and stand up from the desk chair. _ _You step over to where Dave is sitting. Dave's leaning against the wall with his headset on, listening to his beats. _ _The_ _ bed creaks as you sit down besides him._

_Dave looks at you, he's wearing his shades today. _

_You smile at him as he takes off his headphones, you tell him, "I just thought we could talk for a bit, get to know each other."_

_"Aight." Dave nods._

_You take a moment to think of a question he can _comfortably _answer, "so... what are your interests?"_

_Dave looks up at the ceiling, like he's thinking. "Music... and uh... I **used** to skateboard." _

_"Really?" You pretend like you're interested in the subject for the poor kid's sake._

_"Yeah, but I was never really allowed to have boards. I'd be expected to walk like huge distances so like... I'd buy a bunch of boards and leave them in bushes all over the city, half the time people'd take 'em. Whenever I was lucky, they would still be there and I'd be able to skate back home to John."_

_You take that in for a moment. "Back home to John."_

_You noticed over the course of the time spent living with him, Dave seems to feel like home is wherever John is. _

_You take a breath and then ask Dave, "you said you like music?"_

_"Yeah. Um... I make some stuff, but John never likes the songs I make... so... you know." Dave starts scratching the back of his hand. "He likes the uh... gesture though, says it's romantic."_

_You nod, "John only really likes hymns and piano pieces. I **do** remember that."_

_Dave looks at you with a strange expression, like he's more than confused._

_"What?" You gently ask him._

_"Nothing. Just..." Dave shrugs. "You said that in a weird way." _

_You pause for a moment. You know why that sounds off. "I guess... it sounds like I don't know my own son..."_

_Dave turns his head towards the other wall in the room as he rests his back against the wall._

_"I... I bet you think that he's changed after the years drugged by... but, I remember when he was thirteen. He still smiles just as big and snorts whenever I tell him something he finds really funny. I bet he seems distant right now, but that's cause he's worried. He's got a lot on his mind and he never likes talking about his pain."_

_Dave keeps looking ahead, instead of at you as he goes on,_

_"He's not that different from... the guy I fell for. Honestly, I still see him as just the same... but you seem different from when I first met you."_

_Dave turns a bit towards you and asks,_

_"Can I tell you something? Something no one else knows? ...I didn't even tell John this."_

_You don't say anything, you hardly move. You don't even breathe, you just lightly nod your head yes._

_"That bag... I kept it hidden for years and I was putting money in it just for John to keep." Dave sighs and looks ahead at the other wall again, "I wanted to have it ready for John when he left. As an apology. It slipped my mind to tell him where it was, even with all of that we went through, I'd forget something like _that_. It's... it's been eating at me for days now."_

_Dave sighs. He swallows down some spit and tells you,_

_"I'm not going to make excuses. I'm not going to burden you with my past or... any of that. I know that's not what you're looking for. You're probably thinking about a reason... for why John didn't just leave."_

_You stare blankly ahead at the wall and listen,_

_"Part of it was that** the guy's **dangerous, even now... I know he's biting his time, waiting for everything to fall into place so he can fuck us over... but that's not the only reason John didn't go... John didn't want to leave me."_

_You take one slow breath out and one slow breath in._

_"The day I got him to run out, John was still yelling at me about how he wasn't going to leave me alone in that place... He looked like he was begging me to run... like he wanted me out more than he wanted... freedom. John probably thought I was going to die. Truth be told, the moment I knocked him out I thought I was as good as dead... but the moment I decided to knock myself out, I felt relieved. Like I finally freed John from... being with... with me."_

_You shut your eyes._

_"John left right then... but he still isn't giving up on me." Dave takes a deep sigh. "I always thought if he ever made it out and had a chance to speak to me again... that he'd learn to hate me... that he'd scream at me and curse at me for fucking him over. And I thought he'd be right. I was thinking to myself, the entire time I was in that orange suit, that John was going to look at me and think I belonged in it. And I was fine with it... so long as it meant that John could have the life he deserved... I didn't want to marry John. I wanted him to be with someone worth the time and effort... but he wants me. He wants to be with me and I'd give him anything that he'd honestly ask for, instantly, no questions asked, so long as it's for the best. I'd give him anything of me."_

_Dave lets out a gruff sigh._

_He shakes his head and just says what's been on his mind,_

_"I'm sorry your son fell for me."_

_You hesitate. You lift up your hand to touch his shoulder- but you stop yourself. You don't know if you should. _

_You don't know if you should hug him. Instead you just say, "don't apologize."_

_Looking dead ahead, you stare blankly at the wall._

_You shut your eyes and tell Dave with a weak voice,_

_"You have nothing you need to apologize for."_

_You nod to yourself more than to him._

_You speak the words more to yourself than to Dave,_

_"none of this... was your doing."_

_You could feel Dave's hesitation, he was slow to do it... but he wraps his arms around you. _

_Then... you turn and hold onto him. _

_You pat his back to comfort him._

_He was trying to keep his tears in. _

_You held him close. You open your eyes and saw tears roll down his cheeks._

_Dave buries his head into your chest._

_You shut your eyes. It's not easy to hold him... but he needs this._

You shut your eyes and picture holding your own son.

. . .

_Nitram decided to sneak in a six pack of donuts in to your room first thing in the morning. John politely declined, he still hates anything cake-like. Dave took the box to get a closer look at it as you and Nitram talked about the stocks he's holding and what you do for work. You didn't even noticed that Dave _ _devoured two of those damn donuts whole before you even got the change to ask Nitram about how the case against Dirk is going. John simply rolls his eyes and grabs onto the white sheet on their bed. He wipes the corner of Dave's mouth as you open yours to say, "John?"_

_John looks over at you, he's still half-asleep. He yawns and asks, "yeah?"_

_"I believe there are napkins on the desk-"_

_"OH!" John slaps his hand to his forehead. He turns to Dave and smacks his arm with the back of his hand. "Why didn't you say I was using the sheet again!"_

_"I didn't realize- I don't know! I'm tired." Dave mutters._

_"Doesn't matter if we're tired! We can't live like animals anymore! Don't let me do stuff like this!"_

_"Ughhaaa..." Dave complains as John grabs onto both his arms and then shakes him. "Uahhugghh-"_

_Dave unhinges his jaw and yawns in John's face._

_"God! You're breath reeks!" John pinches his nose, one hand still holding onto Dave. "You smell like sugar-honey-ice-tea brush your teeth!" John demands._

_"I will! I will... after breakfast."_

_"No more donuts for you, mister!" John takes the box and shuts it. John stands up and gives the box back to Nitram. He goes back to the bed and grabs Dave's hand. Forcing him up. Dave's eyes widen as he gets to his feet. Then, he starts laughing. John tries to force down his smile. He drags Dave by the hand as he says, "we're going to the bathroom!" Loud enough the guards can hear as he opens the door._

_Nitram sighs, he's already used to how strange the two of those boys are. He turns to you and offers up, "donut?"_

_"Hey, babe." Dave's back is against the wall, his bottom is resting on a pillow. _

_"Hmm?" John lifts up his head a bit, he's resting on Dave's chest as he reads a novel._

_"Is it okay if I read to you?" Dave quietly adds, "you look like you're falling asleep."_

_"I'm good." John adjusts his shoulders so he can prop himself up better._

_"Nah, man." Dave starts placing his palms around the ends of the book. He starts reading at a random point, "-and when I last-"_

_"It's okay, Dave! And I already read that part anyway." John refuses the help._

_Dave kisses the top of John's head and asks, "where are you at then?"_

_"I'm almost done with the last paragraph-"_

_"-And I can't-"_

_"Wha-" John starts laughing. "I said paragraph, not the last _page!" 

_Dave instantly holds up his hand and shows John his missing finger. "Don't make fun of the fact that I'm illiterate-" John snorts. "And I'll read till the end of the chapter for you."_

_"Why would I agree to that?" John asks, Dave's still holding up his hand expecting that John agree._

_John rolls his eyes and holds up his hand. He quietly mutters, "compromises."_

_Dave kisses the top of John's head again and says, "compromises."_

_In unison they mutter, "just like a marriage."_

_John mutters, "always was, bitch."_

_Dave grabs the book again and straightens out his back, John bumps up and down as Dave readjusts._

_"Now." Dave kisses John's head again. "Point at where you're at."_

_Those few years you were married to the love of your life, she'd fight with you on who got to cook, who got to clean, who got to go out and work. Even when the woman was eight months pregnant and standing on swollen feet, she'd still want to do everything for you, and you wanted to do everything for her. Your whole marriage, you were at an impasse, so you compromised. You'd both look at what you had in the fridge, and whoever had the better idea of what to make would get to bake or cook for the day. She'd always insist her ideas where the best, but when she knew she was beat, she'd just say, _"well that sooouunds better **for today.**" _She was such a sore loser. _

_Dave and John seem so similar to you and your wife at times. Whenever the two of them hold up their fingers and look at each other with this intense glare, you can feel they're never fully happy with their arrangements. You're sure that right now, John would have rather Dave ask if John could read to him. John loves to stroke Dave's hair and read little snippets from the book Natalie brought for Dave to read. _

_. . . _

_You're reading your paper again, one of your legs is resting on top of the other. Your ankle touching your knee as you lean back and take in all the articles your scanning through. Your son and Dave are both laying down in bed. You hear a noise from their side of the room so instinctively you look over. John sits up from his bed. Dave's already getting up to follow. "No no." Your son tells Dave, "I'm going to be fine on my own, you stay here with dad, okay?"_

_Reluctantly, Dave agrees._

_It's been a few moments of silence now since John left. You look down at your watch. Damn, it's only been a minute. You don't really know what to say, you don't often speak with Dave alone. This is probably hard on the both of you, and John's only going to be gone for a moment... it's a better time than ever to practice speaking with Dave. _

_"Hey there, sport." You close your news paper and put your leg down. "How about a chat?"_

_Dave looks over at you, you can see how tense he looks. He doesn't look afraid though, he just looks like he's dreading saying the wrong thing. You don't want him to feel like this is some kind of oral exam, you're hoping that he can get used to talking to you sometime soon so he won't look so... helpless. _

_It's such a shame that you didn't think before you just jumped into this convo. You can't think of anything to say. You pick a pretty usual get to know you question, "how's everything?"_

_"Uh... good?" Dave sounds unsure._

_You smile and tell him, "that's great-"_

_"um.." Dave speaks up again. He noticed that he just cut you off so his eyes widen, "I'm sorry, I- I didn't- mean to... uh..."_

_"It's alright, son." You explain to Dave, "you didn't really interrupt me, that was all I wanted to say. But what were you gonna say, sport?"_

_"Uh." Dave pauses for a moment. "I was gonna... say that... I uh... well... Everything has been taking some getting used to. I'm just kinda... finally adjusting to the feeling."_

_"I see." You agree, "being stuck in this place has been leaving me feeling strange too, like a animal in a zoo."_

_"Oh." Dave looks at you from across the room, he rubs his arm and grits his teeth, "I'm kinda used to... being stuck in one room for like... long periods of time. John and I used to spend like hours just..." Dave looks away from you. He seems like he doesn't want to say anything else. You kindly look at him. He's been opening up to you more and more over the days, he probably feels like he's giving away too much about his life. You understand things haven't been easy for him, you're going to help him through this, but for now, you want to make him feel comfortable being around you when it's just you. _

_You nod along and encourage Dave to say more, "I understand, a lot of kids your age apparently spend more time indoors than the kids from my time." You chuckle._

_Dave lets out a small laugh. "Uh... I guess... I bet everyone is always like... online now."_

_You nod, smiling. It seems like he's really trying to engage with you now. You usually are the one taking the initiative and talking while he just listens and nods along. You know that Dave is the quiet type, so he probably prefers listening over talking, but you want to let him know he can say anything to you and you'll accept him and listen to him. You just need to find a topic he loves, and you know one thing he loves to talk about more than anything, "yep. I'm certain that today's kids are really connected to their phones, but John never seemed to be that type to me. He's always got his nose stuck in a book."_

_Dave's eyes light up the moment he hears the name of your son. You see a ghost of a smile on his face, he's so stoic but you can see a tiny hint of his lips pulling into a smile. The closest thing to a grin he can muster when John's not around. Dave nods and admits, "John doesn't even want to see the videos that Nepeta shows us. But I mean, John did like watching movies and stuff with me... um... silen.." He mutters his words till they aren't audible and then just stops talking. Dave still seems unsure about talking about the time he spent with John in the apartment. _

_You keep smiling, you're sure he's recounting a happy memory. He's safe to say anything he wants. You have to let him know that. "I'm sure that John spent much more time reading, he told me that you used to get him library books." _

_"Oh yeah..." Dave nods. "I could only grab him one at a time so I'd have to track to the library a lot. I think I'd pretty much buy a skateboard everyday on the walk there and then trash it when I got close to home." Dave looks up at the ceiling, "I'd grab something to drink for the ride home and always give John half of it. I kinda wish I could go out and pick up John something small, just as like a little gift... maybe... maybe I am feeling kinda restless."_

_You didn't realize that the smile you've been keeping on for him left your face. You were honestly listening and... his words made you feel something. Something akin to numbness, maybe loneliness. You need to go back to keeping on a happy face for his sake. You smile as Dave tilts his head down away from the ceiling. He looks at you with his eyes hidden by shades. He confesses to you, "I just uh... I like being stuck here though, I feel... safe?"_

_"That's good." You nod. _

_"Yeah..." Dave looks off to the side. "It's just that everything is so different... in a way that I'm not used to yet... so I can't get comfortable."_

_You hum. You silently wait for Dave to say more._

_"I've never really been allowed to honestly laugh and joke around with John, like... openly... it was really rare we could talk like... how we do now. I feel really... I don't know the word for it."_

_You offer up, "blessed?"_

_Dave lets out a small laugh. Like you just made a reference to a joke that you weren't privy to. "ha... yeah..."_

_Without thinking you ask him, "in what ways do you feel blessed, son?"_

_"Well..." Dave seems unshaken about how he was just put on the spot. "I am more than happy that John is safe, and he like... always wanted to see you again... so I'm happy he's with you... um... I'm like still getting used to uh... the lawyers though... they're all nice, but I don't really know how to talk to them, they aren't like Natalie you know?"_

_"Right." You nod._

_Dave goes on, "I'm not really used to the food she brings too, but like... John said we've gotta eat healthy, I used to just down protein powder like crazy, but John says that ain't like good enough apparently. Gotta eat like vegetables, but isn't like potatoes a vegetable, so like fries and chips should be good, just cause they're like salty makes them bad though I guess." Dave starts muttering, "I don't know. All I know is that broccoli sucks if there isn't like cheese covering up how shit they taste. but I'm not gonna tell John that, he's getting all like pumped for dinner everyday and when he tells me to eat everything on my plate, I don't question it. I mean like... I'm not used to him being so cheery and happy... It's like... really nice and it reminds me of when we were both kids, but like... I don't know... every thing just feels so different, like a dream... or something... I'm not used to hearing John singing and I'm not used to reading out loud to him, but it's all nice. It's a nice change." Dave sighs. He starts up another thought, "I'm really not used to a lot of things around here, but I'm sure once I'm used to it we'll probably move out and go some place else." You nod to agree but he's not even looking at you, he goes on to say, "It's like wild how Nitram is like chill enough to bring us some breakfast and stuff, I don't understand why he says that Nat would be pissed if she knew he brought you stuff-"_

_This time you interrupt, "she seems like she's the type that wants to help everyone out, and she probably thinks that it's her responsibility to oversee everything revolving around our stay here."_

_"Oh, yeah yeah." Dave nods and looks off to the side again. "Makes sense. Natalie's a hard worker, seems like she's always gotta have everything done the 'right way' which is her way. I get it." Dave nods like he understands, but somehow you don't feel like he does. There's something about his tone. It's the kind of tone he takes when he's about to say something... off... he might have let slip a few days ago that well... when you were reading something out loud from a paper about a publisher, 'Taschen' Dave seemed nearly shocked you used the word. He started muttering something to John about how he thought that was used in a... bizarre way. "_Isn't that like... a bag filled with hands?" "No... it's the German word for bag or maybe bags, I think..." _The two of them kept whispering until John started stroking Dave's hair. You couldn't find the strength to ask your son about it when Dave left to use the bathroom. John seemed unshaken by it on the surface, seems like he's grown used to hearing strange things from Dave, but you could tell from his eyes that he was shaken. The entire conversation felt like something between the two of them and them alone, they needed to work through this alone and together, but now that you think of your duty as John's father, maybe you should take more responsibility and attempt to help guide Dave into... well normalcy. You look over at Dave. __You didn't realize that silence fell between the two of you. You instantly open your mouth and find words to say, "how-what other changes are you getting used to here, son... cause I- I'm still a bit weirded out by being locked in a room, if I'm being open and honest."_

_"Oh yeah." Dave nods. "I guess it's never fun." _

_You suck in air a bit. You try to move past those words as Dave carries on without noticing he might have let something slip, "I'm not used to like the stares I get from the lawyers when I walk out into the halls wearing sweatpants and carrying a blade... but like, they have every right to stare I guess." You accidently let slip a laugh. Luckily, Dave laughs too. "It's a process of getting used to everything, but it's kind of like... fun I don't know... like whenever I walk down the hall with John, he just holds onto my arm and we pass by all these lawyers that are trying to look like they aren't staring at us. And John just seems so happy that people can actually see us, or at least I hope he's happy like I am about that." You smile as Dave carries on with a hint of a smile of his own, "another thing is that I'm not used to John wearing clothes."_

_You stare at him._

_The silence is deafening._

_Dave chokes on his upcoming words for a moment, "ah- I- eh- ah- I meant tha- that- he and I, we both uh- had a hard life- time of things- so- I- ah- he was forced to not- not wear clo-" Dave stops talking. _ _Probably because he realized the explanation is worse than his pervious comment. The world's longest minute passes between you two. You hear a clock ticking and every single one of the sixty ticks stabs into your brain. _

_You hear two knocks on the door and then the door slides open. John smiles as he walks in, "hello, you two! Did you talk while I was gone or just sit in silence?"_

_Dave is completely flushed pink. He's staring at you. You answer, "we just got done sitting in silence." _

_. . ._

_You're out shopping now without your boys. You think they need a moment to themselves so you'll give them that much. _

_Goodness. So much time has passed, Dave's been giving out names and John seems content with how the current case is going. Teresa comes by every once and a while to say her hellos and Aradia hasn't popped in since. Nitram might have let slip that the case is making her a bit emotional but whenever Megido speaks with you in the hall she seems like she's happy and content. Far be it from you to know her better than her coworkers, and if she hasn't been coming in then maybe she really is a bit too emotionally attached to this current case. Damn, that woman seems so enraged when that man's name pops up. She looks like she wants to jab those sharp nails of hers into his throat herself. That is if Teresa doesn't take him out first. _

_You hum to yourself as you scan through the isles, you think John wants more pop tarts but they don't make the brand he likes anymore. You sigh and pick out wild berry, you remember he liked the Pokémon ones when he was a kid, this is probably fine. You better make your way back to your makeshift home soon anyway, you've been out long enough to start worrying John._

_When you get back you walked in, fully ready to laugh with your bags in hand at how John and Dave were sleeping the day away again. But then you saw a pair of pants on the floor. At first, you just assumed John was just too lazy to pick up after himself, but you know John. You know he doesn’t do that. You looked over at your son and found him naked in bed with his fiancé._

_They are both asleep and drenched in sweat._

_You sat down in your chair and ignored the sight._

_You turned towards your desk and open your paper._

_After a good hour of blankly staring at the page, you heard a faint whisper, “John.”_

_You look up from your paper. John was lightly kissing Dave's knuckles as Dave whispers to ask if John felt stressed, or scared, or sad… You were relieved to hear that John felt content… still your heart kept sinking. No good father enjoys the thought -or the sight- of their child in bed with another man._

_You could hardly hear most of the conversation, sometimes the ringing of your ears would drowned out the sounds of their voices._

_Still, you could hear some things. They spoke about what they did in bed and how John apparently wants to feel pain so long as Dave causes it. Those words anchored around your heart and made your soul fall into a deep pit in your gut. You couldn't bring yourself to speak. You couldn't move. You would zone in and out of the conversation, sometimes you'd retreat back into your mind in a panic and sometimes you'd force yourself to listen in._

_You at the very least learned they used a safe word. That is something you felt grateful for… still... you are shocked that your son seemed to think the idea was ludicrous. _

_Well, as it would turn out, your son is a very different person than you thought you knew… and he's even more different than you thought you raised._

_John just laughed about having Dave twisted around his finger. John seemed amused at how he could break Dave's mind completely. John’s the one in full control. That you learned right then and there._

_But now… now you know why John felt so miserable._

_Your son loved Dave and he had to protect Dave from the world. From everyone. From his own father. _

_You understand. John was the only person looking out for Dave. He felt like he was carrying the world on his back with no help, you're going to be a better father to John from this point on._

_Still, as a father, you’re glad you watched John that closely when he was with Dave._

_You needed to make sure Dave wasn’t bad for your son and now you know he isn't._

_You're sure of that._

. . .

_After you had a little **talk **with your son, he went from looking stressed and panicked, to being joyful and well, now he's singing. He seems so happy, even more so than when Dave would get crumbs on his face and John would wipe them off. John's smile is even brighter now than when he was recounting stories of their first month together. He seems so happy. You know why that is._

_You turn your head away from John once he starts singing to Dave. Something about the song seems private, like it's only for Dave. This moment is just for the two of them. Dave seems completely entranced by John's song, it feels no different than when your wife would catch you cooking dinner on the stove and she would interrupt by singing to distract you. She'd steal the pot out from under your hands and stir it while she'd push you to the side. She'd look in your eyes and capture your soul with those almond colored eyes of hers. You'd remember every line and shape in her iris, you'd trace each one as she'd sing. Then when she had her fill, she'd swing her hip, bump you out of the way and tell you dinner's ready and she wants you to set the table. You'd never say it out loud, but she was quite the demanding lover. She'd catch you sneaking into bed late at night after she already drifted into sleep, and she'd smack your arm complaining about how she was missing you earlier and -no matter how tired you were- she'd poke at you until you'd give her what she wanted. Then, she'd make you toss her around, every night she'd wear you out._

_Your son is a man now. He's an adult and thankfully, that is something you **don't **have to wrap your head around. So much of your time is spent worry about John, his safety and his mindset. But for right now, you can just laugh off how casually Dave tells you Johns running the show and he lives by his rules. You understand that plight. You've been there, and there is something so funny about all of this. So comical. Out of all the things John chooses to get worked up and mad about, it's such small insignificant things. Like this and some other strange things. He'll cry, "Dave, you're not gonna just lay about all day! Do some push ups!" "Dave, I don't want you going to the bathroom with me! I'm going to blow up the toilet!" "Dave! Don't pick your teeth with my bookmark!" They could crawl through any struggle together, but oh no. Dave better not fart under the sheets. You chuckle to yourself at the thought. _

_John turns his head over to you. He gives you a questioning look as he continues to sing. John squints his eyes and joking sticks out his tongue in between his verses. Seeing that he's in a better mood, you won't poke fun of him... for now. _

. . .

_You're out again, happily picking out some new clothes for your son and his fiancé. You think you just found the perfect shirt for John. It's just a regular light blue button up, but you recall him wearing something just like this with a sweater vest when he was a kid. He always looked like you dressed him for church, but nope, John picked out all his own clothes. Only times he wore something different was when it was too hot out, then he'd break out his Ghostbusters and Lord of the Rings shirts. Hm... maybe you should put the button up back and try to look for another nice little Ghostbusters shirt for him. You already managed to find two, and he was so happy to get them, you love seeing him smile like that... but still, John already has two Ghostbusters shirts. John could really use a nice business-casual shirt. But he already has a few good button-ups he hasn't worn yet. Plus that new one you **just **got him._

_After seeing that Dave has a nice suit at the ready, you needed to make sure that John could be just as well dressed in a moments notice so of course you did what any good father would do and you bought John a formal suit. Right, so John doesn't need another button-up. You can just put this back. You look up at the pathway between isles. The two undercover cops are both circling around the area, pretending to shop. You just saw one yawn and the other guy is checking his phone. Right. The men guarding you probably have better things to do then wait around for you to make a choice. You sigh and place the button-up in your basket with the new yoga pants for Dave and the nice black socks you found on clearance._

_You're gonna just go ahead and buy your son both! What the heck. _

_The moment you take a step forward, your phone rings. You drag your phone out from your back pocket. Oh. Looks like it's your work. You pick up the phone and... once you hear that tone, you already know what's coming._

_Takes another hour and a half to get back to your son. Once you're in the room, you're surprised to see that only John's in. John tells you, "Dave's out. He has to go over a few more things with the Sheriff, said it's only gonna be an hour and he just left."_

_"Oh, what a shame. I was hoping to go through my bags with the two of you here." You place both the small bags on the desk and sit down in your usual chair._

_"We can wait, I'm sure he's gonna love the... I'm gonna guess... new socks? you got just for him." John's already joking around and smiling. So of course, you can't help but smile with him._

_You look down at the floor and shake your head, "well... not just for him."_

_"Oh! I'd love a new pair... the old ones are getting kinda worn down and starchy. No offense to Nat, she's super cool to do so much for us! But uh... she kinda made all our stuff super stiff... you know."_

_You laugh a bit. "I know, I just can't bring myself to give her pointers. I don’t want to come off as rude. Goodness, and when I offer to pay for better detergent, she tells me she's got everything covered."_

_"Yeah, Nepeta said that she's not gonna take any of your money.” Your son smiles. “And she stopped by just after you left, you would not believe the kind of things she said behind your back, like how cool you are and that she wants to hug you but she's too shy to ask."_

_You chuckle. Your son scrunches up his nose as he smiles. He's looking pretty happy right now. You try pushing down a certain thought in your head, one about John being pacified by having the opportunity to... make love while you're out. You instantly shove the thought out of your mind. Your son is just happy because you three are finally starting to function as a unit. That's why. That's the reason. You choose to focus solely on that. _

_John looks up at you and tilts his head a bit to the side. You look away from him for a moment and then sigh._

_You guess that he can tell from your posture that you've got something to say. John's always been very attentive, and you're sitting on the edge of your seat, holding both your hands and probably pouting. _

_"Hey... son."_

_"Yeah, dad?" John seems eager to hear what you've gotta say._

_You lead with something you think he'll agree with, "Dave seems the type to blame himself for a lot of things."_

_"Oh. You don't even know the half of it." John rolls his eyes, "you're completely right about that, dad.”_

_"Right... so." You let out a small awkward chuckle out of instinct, the situation is just so foreign to you. You carry on, "I was hoping that you could keep this a bit under the radar for now. We can tell him when we get out of this place, okay?"_

_"Uh... alright." John nods twice to agree. "I guess we can talk about whatever it is when it's relevant."_

_"Right." You lean back in your seat and then pull your hands apart. You place both your hands on the armrests and tell your son, "my work called me, I took a long vacation for a while and then, after that, managed to get some work done here, but because of everything going on... my quality of work's been suffering." You smile at your son and let out a small sigh, "I was let go."_

_. . ._

_You're humming as you step down the hallway. You just took another sink-shower. Someone even walked in to hear you whistle a tune while you were stiped down to your underwear. All the while, you were wearing a happy grin on your face. Almost felt like a prank. That or a joke. And what a set up!_

_'A lawyer walks into the bathroom at his place of work and sees a grown man in his boxers. The grown man says, "good morning" and the lawyer says, "for you maybe." '_

_Yeesh. You gotta work on your jokes. At least now, maybe you have the time. _

_Your son seemed so worried about you losing your job. But you feel almost, relieved. You're sure once you get back to a sense of normalcy, you're gonna be able to hop back into the daily grind, but for now you can hardly focus on your work and your laptop is terribly old. You always used to use the computers at work so the blasted thing you have back in the safe room works better as a paperweight than anything else._

_You hum a laugh to yourself, you can just imagine walking in someday and finding John and Dave searching on the damn thing for some internet video Natalie showed the two of them. You and your son don't seem to care for their sense of humor, but it's so rare you see Dave actually laugh. John instantly beams brighter than any light once he hears Dave let out a good, hard laugh and Dave's the exact same. You can't even recall just how many tickle fights they got into just to make each other laugh._

_You smile, so you got laid off. That's fine, right now you can't exactly get any work done with all that's going on and you're not sure just how long you're gonna have to stay here for. It's probably for the best that you focus on your son and his husband. Getting to know them and their relationship if your top priority right now and... you'd hate to say this about work, because it used to be a welcomed distraction... but you're feeling like it's draining your attention away from what really matters._

_You're not worried so much about the money either. You've got a good fund saved up right now and apparently Dave's got enough money to put both of them through school and then some. You're perfectly content with what the future looks like, it's time you started being content with the present. You march right back to your room and smile once you see John's therapist step out of the room._

_"Hello there, doctor. It completely slipped my mind you had an appointment with John today." Were you really in the bathroom for that long? Well, you did stop to chat it up by the coffee pot you found with some prosecutors working on quite the fascinating case. _

_Aranea jolts a bit at seeing you. She seems dazed for a moment, lost in thought. She looks up at you and shakes her head. She looks like she regrets walking your way. You can tell that in her head she has half-the-mind to just turn the other way and pretend she didn't see you, but she's not that kind of person. She never backs down. _

_John's therapist walks towards you, her hands are placed in front of her and she looks off to the side for a moment as she builds up her nerve to talk to you. You don't know what John and Dave told her that shocked her but..._

_"I'm sure you haven't heard the news yet... and I'd rather you hear this from me than talk about this with John."_

_Dr. Serket rips off the band-aid, "Dirk Strider must have... hired someone to break him out of maximum security prison."_

_. . ._

_The moment you stepped into the room after you heard the news, all of the color and life was sucked out of your son again. John looked so stressed. Like he was being torn apart. He's been having horrible nightmares and Dave's been helping him through them. _

_You try to focus instead of the positives. You're already safe and secure. Both John and Dave seem to be eating better and gaining weight. Natalie still manages to get John to chuckle and Dave to smile... even with Dirk being out of prison, you're certain that things are going to turn out alright. You trust Sheriff Vantas to protect your son and Dave seems determined to keep your son close. Of course, right now he's looking a bit nervous since John's out._

_You're just sitting down at your desk again, John stepped out with some police officers, you thought it was just a normal routine thing... but looks like Dave isn't taking it that way._

_Dave scratching at his arm and struggling to focus on the music coming out of his oversized headphones. When Dave pulls his headset off, you can hear all the beats he was listening to. He pauses the loud music and asks you, "think something's up? Cause like... I don't know... just... If one of us needs to go alone, they always bring someone we know... I didn't recognize those guys at all."_

_"I'm sure John is fine, son... but if you're worried, I can probably send a message to Nepeta and ask if she can just check on where he is for us."_

_"Yeah. Do that." Dave instantly nods. He takes a moment to correct his manners and say, "Uh... if you could... please."_

_You instantly smile. He looks so worried, but you're certain it's nothing._

_You message her and... radio silence._

_She's not the type to not answer her messages, even if she's busy she always replies to tell you she can't talk. _

_Not even five minutes after you started to get worried, one of the guards brings John's body in._

_You stand up and drop your paper. You step over it as you rush over to the man carrying your son. Dave got there before you. Dave drops to his knees, he's in tears. Dave's sobbing and grabbing at John's limp hand. Natalie drops down besides Dave and tells him frantically that John's alive. She's comforting Dave, patting him on the back while you're told that someone just attempted to kidnap John._

_You look at the sheriff. He must have stopped John from getting snatched away from you again._

_You can see blood on Karter's shirt's collar._

_Dave sobs for a few more moments._

_Dave pulls himself together just as quickly as he broke apart. _

_You blankly stare as Dave walks past you and sits down in the corner. He grabs the handle of his sword and directs the police officer carrying in John to place his unconscious body down on Dave's lap._

_. . ._

_Dave held his sword over John. He's protecting your son with a determined flare in his eye as you hold your handgun and hover next to the door. When you looked over at Dave, you could see his anger with your eyes, but all your heart could see was two scared, sad kids... trying to protect each other from any and all pain. Huddled in the corner, wearing a brave face as someone tries to tear them apart. _

_The thought claws into your heart, their whole lives were like that._

_A few moments pass and all of the lawyers enter the safe room. Nitram, Megido, Pyrope... they all clamor around the bed as Nepeta trades Dave his sword for a cup of water. Once John is awake, he's sobbing._

_John lets out all his sadness into Dave's chest. John gasps as tears flood from his eyes into Dave's chest._

_“I’ll protect you I swear.” Dave pulls John so close to his chest, Dave's holding him as tightly as you want to hold John yourself. “I swear. I am never leaving your side again.”_

_That man just pulled out all the stops to rip your son away from you. You want to claw your hair out and scream. You don't know what to do, so you just stand there. Stand there and do nothing, just like always. You can't help protect your son. You should have picked up something was off, Dave did. You should have instantly vetted everyone that came into the room, asked them questions. You could have lost your son. He could have been killed._

_But he wasn't._

_Something right away strikes you as off. Why didn't they just... kill him?_

_You look over at Pyrope. She's standing there with blank look on her face. She's not moved by the scene, not hurt or saddened. You can't read what her poker face is telling you... but you know there's something there._

_You say without thinking, “why did they try to take him?”_

_Pyrope is seeing something you don't know. Something you for some reason are barred from knowing. _

_"John." Megido instantly speaks up._

_The other lawyers look almost offended that she even spoke._

_You don't care. You want to hear this._

_Aradia continues, “tell him the truth.”_

_Megido is looking right at John. Her eyes focus on Dave's when he looks up at her. _

_“John.” She raised her voice._

_Your son is speaking. He's talking but you can't focus on the words. You can only focus on how determined Megido's face looks. She looks almost enraged that John is sobbing and panting into Dave's chest over this. There has to be a reason for why._

_Your son is crying in Dave's arms. _

_'Is he hiding something from Dave? Something that the lawyers would know from the trial but Dave wouldn't? What could that even be?'_

_You don't understand anything going on at this moment._

_Natalie was holding Dave's sword for him, she's looking back and forth and she looks like she's almost in tears herself. Almost all of the people that helped you were in the room, why aren't any of them speaking up for your son? Do they all agree with her? They look upset that Megido spoke up, but... their silence is almost egging her on. Only Dave is protecting John in this moment. Dave's glaring at Megido, he's almost at the point threatening her to stop._

_Then you hear John's sobs stop. The whole room goes quiet. _

_Megido finds the right words to get John to stand._

_John just... he just stops..._

_Stops being him. You don't recognize the other man in the room turning to face Megido._

_John seems completely complacent with everything going on..._

_Like everything had just been an act._

_John's tone just tells you that... he was never this sad, weak victim. He was never what he painted himself to be to the lawyers. It was all... an act. Something he just put on to... protect Dave._

_His mask just shattered and he instantly shows the room his bitter, raw frustration. Just in simple words, John argues that no one deserves the pain Megido is about to place onto Dave. She argues back that it's for him to decide._

_John confesses that when he stabbed Dirk, he had the intent to kill him and... missed. John was being tormented by that man during. You hear your ears start to ring again and your head try to pull you into the very deepest pit of your soul, but you refuse the call. You make your head stay planted right where it is and you listen to your son's words._

_John tells the room how far John would be willing to go for Dave's happiness, that he would have let himself get taken._

_Those words cut into you like a blade._

_The reality of what could have been is more terrifying than any other thought you've ever imagined about John's life under that roof. _

_John confessed to the room that he was going to sacrifice his entire life, to live with that man... that man that... that..._

fell for him.

_. . ._

_You paced around the room as your two son's watched those tapes you were barred from seeing. _

_You ask Aranea, over the phone, again why she kept that from you, "why didn't you tell me at least that!?"_

_Dr. Serket seems stunned by your sudden break of character, "I- we only just learned of what was between him and... -and... John refused to let word get out-"_

_You feel like shouting, still you hold yourself back, "I should have known that Aranea, I'm the boy's father-"_

_"And I'm his therapist- there are rules."_

_"And I know them!" You don't hold anything back, "What? Did you think that John was mentally stable enough to be left alone to his own devices, he almost **let himself get kidnapped!"**_

_"I- Mr. Egbert." Dr. Serket is struggling to think through what is going on, "I just... I wanted to say something and to talk to John about this... but everything in those tapes... it- it was so much to go through..."_

_Aranea lets out a small gasp, she sounds like she's struggling to even find the words to say, "I... I...” she’s at a loss for words. _

_If Serket is failing to speak... perhaps it really is something she's struggling to comprehend herself._

_You sigh and open your mouth. You tell Aranea, "I'll speak with you again soon, doctor. Let's just get some rest."_

_"Right. And... once again... I'm sorry, Mr. Egbert." Dr. Serket says her goodbyes. She walks off with her fingers gently stroking her cross. She carries herself out of the room and shuts the door. You stand in silence. Waiting to feel something other than numbness. You sit down at your desk and hold your brow with one of your hands. Moments pass, silence is replaced with footsteps. Your son enters the room. _

_You expected that your son would be crying, sobbing... only you didn’t predict that John would be smiling through his tears._

_The sheriff steps in and looks right at you as John tells you, "come on! Dave and I are getting married!"_

. . .

_The office was dimly lit, it must have just opened for the morning. _

_John and Dave held each other's hands as they said their vows._

_Dave was first, he was blushing red as a rose and he seemed just as sweet, _

_"John... I... ha! I wish I would have thought of something for this. There's so much I want to say... you're amazing, you're always joking around and you're so freaking funny... even in the worst moments of our lives you'd find some miracle way to get me to laugh and you'd do anything you could to get me to smile." Dave's eyes start to well up with tears, he pushes through just to say. "I'd give anything to make you smile every moment of every day, to give you that perfect life with that perfect yard, and perfect house, that dog you always wanted... that whole life you deserve. I want that more than anything. I love you completely."_

_"Dave..." Your son confesses in his vows, "You gave so much for my safety and everyday that... that would just remind me why I'm willing to do anything for your happiness, your happiness and for your safety."_

_Your son says through tears sigh a smile across his face, "you're my whole world." _

. . . 

_Natalie was frantic the moment John told her that he was married, she was damn near panicked that she missed the wedding. From what you heard, she went right up to Pyrope’s office and put her foot down. Natalie demanded she got a room large enough for John and Dave to get married in. Natalie was doing all she could to pull together a wedding and get all her work done. You offered to help, but she told you that she **needs **it to be a complete surprise or else she'll die? You think she was exaggerating... but you get that is just how much she loves those two boys._

_You spot her in the hall right after you used the washroom. _ _Natalie looks like she's pulling her hair out and getting no sleep._

_Last time you saw her, she told you she loved you cause she was picturing her boyfriend while you two were talking._

_You hope she got some real sleep in last night. You walked up to her and she stopped to tell you something, but then Natalie almost feel asleep where she stood. _

_She instantly perked up at the thought of getting coffee, then pointed at you and told you that you needed to get both of your sons dressed for a wedding sometime within the next hour. _

_"Big day! Big big Big day!" Natalie claps her hands together with her eyes wide and her knees bent._

_Natalie looks almost like a crab. You think she's taking too much from her boyfriend, he's always crabby._

_You smile at your own internal joke as you walk back into your room._

_You're going to let the boys have some more time before you tell them they should put on a suit. _

_You're going to need to be careful with your words too, otherwise John's going to figure out what you have planned._

_. . ._

_You can't help but smile as you try to fix John's hair._

_John looks so handsome in his suit, his mother would be beaming with pride and probably demanding that John stand up straight and bear a big smile, just like she told you right before your wedding day and every day of your marriage since._

_John looks over at Dave, John seems miserable that you're trying to comb his messy hair into something more tame. Dave eventually takes the comb from you to fix John's hair himself, prompting a grin out of John. The moment that Dave is the one to primp him, John is all smiles._

_Your son's an honest to God man now. He's married and a devoted, loving husband and caretaker to Dave and Dave is the same to him. You couldn't be more proud of the men you now know they both are._

_You do your best to hold back a smile when your police escort arrives. You ask to come with them and find a convenient lie. John seems much more focused on the fact Dave is in a suit than your words. John can't stop complimenting Dave and talking to him the whole elevator ride down. John's so entranced by Dave looking all dressed up. _

_If John is this moved by Dave in a suit, you can't wait to see how John is going to react to seeing Dave stand at the end of a wedding aisle._

_The moment the elevator doors slide open, Dave turns red as a rose. He knows what's up, John is still clueless. John keeps talking about the music he hears, stating facts that it's from a particular period and often conflated with other types of classical music when he thinks it should be distinct, you already know all about romantic period pieces from John's rants as a boy. Then... as John walks over with his husband down the hall, John notices the people, the music, the sheriff standing outside the hall. Karter is about to walk into the room when John asks him if he'd like to be their best man. Karter seems shocked, like he didn't think he earned the right._

_You smile as you hear Dave tell him to, "just say yes."_

_Once Vantas is out of sight, you walk over to Dave and tell him to walk down the aisle first._

_Dave seems so nervous to do so, he's waving at the people he knows and casually putting his hands in his jacket pockets._

_John giggles as he watches the love of his life make walking down the aisle tailored to his style..._

_You're sure Dave is going to get a heart attack at watching how gracefully your son is going to step down the aisle._

_The two of them are such polar opposites in your eyes, you would have never understood how your piano playing, sweater-vest wearing bookworm son would have fallen for dorito-fingered beatboxing Dave if you didn't see how perfectly they complement and complete each other with your own two eyes._

_You are more than happy to take your son by the arm... and walk him down the aisle. _

_. . ._

_After their wedding, you felt so much pride, somehow you felt safer. Now, you felt like punching a wall, and you're so angry with **yourself** that you did. You had to step out into the hall after that call. That man just humiliated you in every way that he could, but John just dug his nails so deep into his soul you aren't sure why Dirk keeps trying to reason with John. John talked to that man like he was ordering a dog around. Telling that man to only speak to him in a tone that screamed, 'only speak when you are spoken to.' John could probably demand anything from that man and he'd pay up, but even he can't guarantee Dave's safety and that is the only thing that John would ever want. The safety of everyone in that room was his top priority and Dirk dropped the ball on that. He probably already knows that he will never have your son, John is to stubborn to ever be held down, by anything. He just proved that to everyone in that room. _

_. . ._

_It took adjusting to get used to the safe room in the prosecutor's office building, it was small and crampt but in a way it felt homey. Now that you moved from there to here, this -rather large- safe house feels so lavish in comparison. Well... the antique furniture is dusty and the pipes are old and always raddling, that sort of thing doesn't seem to be bugging anyone else but it's driving your nuts. This place seems like a fixer upper and in all honesty, you're looking forward to cleaning house. You'll finally be given the chance to cook and clean, and you've been looking forward to having something to do so you're mostly content. Still, you don't like the circumstances for why you moved here. Dirk has threatened not just your family, but everyone helping him. Dave seems agitated by this and even more alert than before. His husband namely only seems concerned because Dave is visibly upset with the situation, how very like your son._

_You wish you could find the words to calm Dave, you can’t, so the least you can do is ensure his protection. You've got a handgun, and officer Captor has two apparently. He said he got a few rounds of practice in before the move cause Dirk’s threat shook him. Captor recently mumbled something to you that you wish he didn’t, “like a guns gonna do much good against that motherfucker.” He said that to you last night, but you still feel uneasy by that._

_You let out a silent breath. You settle down into your usual spot at the table. At the moment, all four of you are at the table, for lunch today you just reheated left overs from last nights dinner and Dave claimed he wanted to eat the coffee cakes you made for breakfast this morning seeing that he was too stuffed to eat any earlier. You’d prefer baking something new, you're sure you can fry something in one of the pans here is you had enough of the oil for it._

_You take in a sip of your coffee, Captor always has a pot going and he tells you he can’t drink it all himself before it goes bad. To you, no coffee is ever bad, you're not picky. The other day Dave tried a sip of it, black too, you think he was trying to mimic you. He spat it right into the sink. And oh how John teased him for that. John called Dave cute and pinched his cheek like he was a baby playing grown up. Your son grabbed onto Dave and forced his head into his chest, he held Dave close to his heart while he made a face like he was just watching a puppy learn how to walk. That gesture was a reminder to you that there is a reason for why John choose Dave. The boy has a child like innocence coupled with a need to prove himself, and to John, there's nothing sweeter. Even now, Dave is sipping on black coffee with a stone face, nodding along with John’s words as your son parables on about a Carl Jung book he found under a coffee table’s leg upstairs. John stops randomly to giggle and comment on how Dave looks "ridiculously adorable." _

_Sollux grabs onto his own head, clearly annoyed he can’t focus at his work when John and Dave are at the table. He hasn’t slept for a full thirty hours now. He needs rest. You’re gonna hide the coffee grounds once you get a chance. You turn towards your two kids and watch as Dave nods again at John's comment on the meaning behind dreams. Dave doesn't seem to be processing any of the information. It looks more like a student forced to sit right in front of the professor, nodding along to the lecture just to pretend he's paying attention because eyes are on him. _

_Dave holds up his mug and takes a long sip. John stops his lecture. The gesture seems to have garnered his attention. _

_"What is that, darling?" John leans forward as he asks, "Chocolate milk? Can I try a sip?"_

_Dave shakes his head, "no, dude we don’t have any crap like that in the house." _

_"What? Crap?" John sounds shocked, "but you love hot coco, sweetheart."_

_"Eh," Dave shrugs as he takes another small sip, "it’s fine around Christmas but other than that..." He trails off._

_"Awww, you used to drink yoohoos every other day, remember that?" John tilts his head and frowns with the same kind of look someone would give a sad puppy, "why the change of heart? You tired if it?"_

_"No, just... I’m moving on..." Dave places both his elbows on the table as he shrugs. He takes another sip._

_John raises both his brows, "heh." John laughs in disbelief of what here's hearing. The tone of John's chuckle sounds like he's leading to say, 'really, my husband... maturing?'_

_John asks, "moving on to what?"_

_Dave shrugs, "to this." Dave lightly makes a gesture by lifting up his cup, implying that something mature and cool is in his mug._

_John scoffs more so than laughs, "is that...? Ha- you spat that out the other day."_

_"I was quick to judge, babe. This shits actually... good." He seems stressed about being pressured, he's reverting back to cursing again. You won't comment on it, you don't want to put any more pressure on him than John is about to._

_"If it’s so good then why have you hardly touched it?" John shows the cups still nearly full by simply pointing at the already cold liquid._

_"Baby." Dave kisses the side of John’s head. "It’s cause I'm eating."_

_"What an excuse." John kisses Dave's cheek back. _

_Dave gives your son a frown, earning him a win._

_"Okay, okay." John smiles, "I’m sure my fascinating lectures distracted you too." John scratches Dave’s head, "look at you, drinking coffee listening to my criticisms of outdated psycho-analyic theories. You're such a little smarty, all big and mature." John snuggles his head into Dave's neck, clearly admiring his husband for his efforts to seem manly and viewing Dave like a mini-adult instead of a twenty year old man. _

_Dave doesn't seem to bothered by this. He feels content to just place a hand over John's arm, caressing him and reminding him, "love you, babe.”_

_"I love you too." John kisses Dave's chin and pulls again, "now drink your coffee, tough guy. You're gonna need it once we start talking about Lacan."_

_Dave laughs. Just accepting that John's approval is hard to earn. He can only prove himself to be a man through real action, something like drinking coffee isn't going to earn him any respect. Maybe John already sees Dave to be a man, he used to walk for miles just to grab John a book and he'd give his life to protect your son's. There's no way John doesn't respect Dave as a man. Most likely, John finds it funny that Dave feels the need to act mature. Dave absolutely has proved himself to John and has his respect, John would never marry anyone he didn't see to be his equal. _

_In your eyes, Dave's already earned a lot of your respect and in a lot of ways that John would never think up. John is difficult to deal with, he's picky, choosey, and can be blunt to the point that he's rude. Dave must have put up with so much, your heart goes out to him whenever John nags him in anyway for tiny things. Dave burped once without covering his face and John kept riding him on it for a full 24 hours. Dave doesn't seem to let any of John's comments ever get to him and he adjusts well to avoid John's wrath. You wonder if John ever asks himself if he really needs to ride Dave so hard, but you don't think he ever second guesses anything he does. You raised him, you know that confidence comes as natural to him as breathing. That and questioning everything around him. _

_John randomly just decided to bring Captor into the conversation, asking him about his girlfriend and how they met. Captor gives him a bit of a look, like he doesn't understand why he's asking about Megido and probably thinks John is leading up to something. You're certain that John is just asking random 'get-to-know-you questions' just for the fun of it. _

_John always wanted to know everything and he always got frustrated when he didn't get answers as a toddler. John always prodded people and always asked a lot of questions ever since he was old enough to speak. Captor seems somewhat annoyed with this, but he still keeps answering each question. Then it gets to a point where John tries to ask 'deeper' questions,_

_"Why'd you choose to become a cop?"_

_Captor focuses on his laptop, annoyed with the question he mutters, "I didn't choose to." _

_"Huh?" John tilts his head, he leans forward as a smile builds up on his face, "then... why are you one?"_

_"Let's just say that Karter is really persistent." Captor takes a long sip of his coffee, something about the bags under his eyes makes the gesture seem more like he's taking a drag off of a cigarette. It's in no way surprising to you that he doesn't care for his career choice or his work, you always hear him muttering to himself about how much he hates his job, his peers and randomly he curses Vantas's very existence. You grab onto your own mug and down half of your coffee in one chug. Between Captor's attitude, your son's constant string of questions and Dave's entire life story, you're gonna need more caffeine to get through this lunch. _

_. . ._

_You're laying in bed, you just woke up about five minutes ago to use the restroom, but you can't seem to get back to sleep. It must be four a.m. right now, your eyes are too sore for you to even think about looking at your phone screen to check the time. Your alarm didn't go off yet so you know it's not 5:30, but you're ready to go up anyway and get a head start on breakfast. _

_As you make your way downstairs, your ears clear up and you can hear rain dripping down onto the rooftop. It's pouring outside. The fabric belt tied to your robe keeps dancing from side to side as you climb down each step on the staircase in your fuzzy blue slippers. You reach the bottom of the stairs and then slip into the kitchen, turning on the light and there you spot your son messing around with the cabinet. He turns to you and explains, "couldn't get back to sleep." John smacks his mouth open and close as he states, "too thirsty." _

_You pay John a smile and walk over to him as John settles his cup against the ice maker on the fridge door. You probably woke him up when you went to the bathroom, that or Dave did. Dave's a bit of a light sleeper, but he falls right back into a deep sleep the moment John gives him the all clear. John on the other hand is a bit of an insomniac, no matter the context. _

_John grabs a bottle of cran-apple juice and begins to pour it into his glass. You glance over at the completely empty table. Some part of you is telling you to walk away now, to claim you only came down here for some water and go back upstairs. You know you can still turn back, but you don't. _

_As you expected. John finishes up pouring his juice into his glass, he's walking now over to his usual seat. He places his glass down onto the perfectly stainless tablecloth and folds his hands. Without even saying one word, you take a seat down across from him. You notice how black the sky is outside the window next to you. John's eyes are shut, he can't see the same exact void you do, but it's a void all the same, so what difference does it make?_

_John opens his mouth before he opens his eyes. He lets out a gust of air, one that sounds like he's been holding in._

_He's straight-forward in his approach, like always, the gesture is like ripping off a band-aid,_

_"I don't want to have this conversation when we get back home, I don't want to bring that into my... new life." John keeps his eyes shut. "I know that you deserve to know everything I went through, and I know you deserve to hear it through me. I don't want to continue to talk about my old life, I feel like I'm ready to leave it behind once I'm given the real chance to finally do that."_

_John doesn't move, he doesn't shiver. It doesn't even look like he's breathing. He continues with a drained voice,_

_"I know that my therapist has already told you some of what I've gone through, I told her a great deal about my life there under that roof, but... I avoided telling her the whole truth because I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want Dave to find out..." John turns his head and sighs. He keeps still for a moment and then turns back to face you, he opens his eyes. His face is telling you he doesn’t have any regrets, as drained as he looks, he still seems determined. He wants to forged the path to a better life for Dave as much as he wants to make a good life for himself. You can still see all of his hurt and suffering, as his father, that’s all you can focus on. Everything else is a blur to you. That look in his eyes is stabbing through your heart. _

_John looks down at his hands in front of him. He's more focused on the inside of his palms than you now, maybe he can't bring himself to look at you, it must be hard to talk about this, about his old life. He must be thinking about how hard this is on you too. You want this to just be over and done with, you can tell your son is suffering just from having this conversation with you. You sit in silence for a moment until John is ready to speak again._

_John sits in his own thoughts, speaking with a tired tone that just screams that he's tired of it all,_

_"When I first got there, I was afraid for my life. I didn't know what was going on until Dave came into the apartment, and... then it just got worse from there. It was the most depressed I've ever seen him and it lasted months. He was so heartbroken, Dave would start sobbing in random bursts and he'd keep whispering to me that he'd find a way for me to safely leave. I knew he meant that he was waiting for a chance to kill him." John pauses. He sighs out his nose, just to reset his mind. "I was still just his friend then and I couldn't ever bring myself to leave because... what else could I have done? Dave seemed so hurt, and scared. He was hardly even thirteen and already, it was apparent to me that life was hell for him. He always seemed like he was starving because he’d vomit during his beatings and almost every inch of him was covered in black bruises... how do you walk away from someone like that? ...and leave them to die?" John pauses for a moment. You shut your eyes, just incase he's about to look at yours. You don't want to meet his gaze. You don't have an answer and you know he doesn't expect one, but as a father, you can't accept what happened as right in anyway. In your heart, you can't feel like John was justified. John knows. He knows._

_"We were just children then. Just two kids who met and hung out for a handful of days, and... Dave was forced into a situation where he had to explain to me why he had photos of me all along his wall. He told me then it made him feel safe, like he was at home. It took me a while to forgive him for that, actually. Maybe four months, but time moved so slow in that room it might have only been two... I was never afraid of Dave. I always understood that he was just a victim of circumstance, but even so, I felt like he violated a bit of my privacy with that. Taking photos of me without my knowledge and also for stealing one of my shirts, but seeing how he lived and seeing how kind he really was, I forgave him in my own mind. I was silent about how I was offended by that, but then I saw how deeply he needed something to make him feel safe. No one can ever know how horrible life can be when you have no one who cares and nothing that can protect you, not till you're in that kind of place. It's hard to even find a way to cope... I..." John stops. He takes in a shuttering breath._

_John breaths out his words, "You know Dave is a gentle soul. The kind of soul that admires swans whenever he passes a lake and he used to take pictures of the sky, just trying to capture the feeling of sunlight beaming down on his face. He'd take pictures and try to share exactly the experience with me, he'd recount all the things he saw on the city streets and bring me flower petals cause he apricated how soft they were and, the gesture was so sweet to me. He was always trying to share with me what made the world even somewhat peaceful to him. Dave told me once that he always felt trapped. I know that he’s actually timid under that stoic façade. Dave, back then, seemed like he hated the world outside his room, but he was trying to make the world seem like something worth while, I could tell that he was doing that just because I wanted him to find joy somewhere other than in my arms. He only felt content when he was with me, and even then, in the back of his mind he felt wholly responsible for me being in that position... in this position now."_

_John is looking down at his hands that are places open and face up on the table. They are close together, he moves them apart. _

_"I was upducted by the vending machine, in that resort that we were staying in. It wasn’t even hard for him to track me down. When he walked up to me, I even felt this energy, like I was in danger. Then, my first instinct when I woke up on his couch was to wait, pretend I was still asleep and to find out where I was...” John pauses for a moment. Lost in thought. He continues after combing through his thoughts, “the first days I spent with Dave, he was so distraught and deeply troubled by everything surrounding him and every noise he heard. I could see why, most were coming from... you know. And he beat me and Dave, just to get it in our heads not to get comfortable. _ _Then, as time passed, Dave and I got closer. Our relationship was slow to build. I knew that he was in love with me, he didn't keep it a secret, he couldn’t have. I comforted him in a way no one else ever had. And, often he would mutter the words 'I love you' whenever he was tired. I remember saying the words back to him when we were still teenagers just to watch him turn pink. I loved watching him get tongue-tied over me. It took his mind off of things when I got him flustered.” John lightly smiles at his hands as he fiddles with them. “I loved seeing him smile more than anything. When I kissed his cheek, I could always get something out of him if I kissed him enough times in a row. Of course, kissing landed on a list of things we weren’t allowed to do. And watching movies, and holding hands... and our last few months there... we couldn’t talk to each other unless we were... I’m sorry.”_

_John pauses. He shuts his eyes like tears were about to begin to flow, ”there’s just so much pain... in my heart for Dave. He wanted something normal. Something real. He wanted me to be his friend so badly. And the reality was that I wasn’t even given the chance to be his lover by normal circumstances. I.. I saw myself as his boyfriend. But in the end, we couldn’t even talk about his day unless we were, physical. We’d do things in bed just for the right to speak to each other...”_

_Your chest tightens into itself, like a fist crumpling paper._

_John goes on, “that man would get so violent if we ever stepped out of line. He’d get violent if we stayed in line too. He would just call me a dog or a slave to enrage Dave, to get Dave to attack him. I’d tell Dave to just ignore him, but my husband was always defending me over ever little comment. Dave can be vicious in a fight. He stab that man once, it was over a comment he made about me being a lapdog. I still remember how blank his stare was when he looked down at the blade in his arm, like he wasn’t hurt or amused. He just held onto the handle and walked away. He didn’t even beat Dave for that. I don’t know what was going on in his mind, sometimes he was looking for reactions and when he got what he wanted, he’d leave. I never could figure out what he wanted, I’d I could make sense of his mind I would have just done the opposite of what he was looking for... and honestly, I don’t think he even knew. All I know is that he was disgusting.”_

_John circles back to talking about Dave, “I was fifteen when we were first... forced to be together. I had little choice in most anything I did. Dave didn't have a choice either. It's a bitter feeling for me to think back on that. I'm sure you'd never want to hear about this, and I never wanted to tell you. But you do have a right to know how Dave and I lived. Why I stayed. Why I love him. What it is that I see.”_

_John pauses again, this time only for a moment. “Dave would cry. Just about everyday, he'd mourn my life. I know that he hates how we both started being with each other. I knew he didn’t want that. I saw that Dave wanted a friendship more than anything. I could tell he used to see sex as something terrifying, something ugly, and he had every right to. I was terrified of a lot that we had to endure together, and it still stains my heart that we couldn't have gotten together in a more natural way. Still, I learned to enjoy whenever I was with Dave in anyway, because he was my friend. He was this charming, funny little dude who just wanted to make me laugh and started tickle fights because he hated when I looked upset.” John smiles a bit, before he frowns again. “It just felt so simple back when we started **being** together, eventually it felt like something between us. We could just shut the world down and be together. Still... It wasn't originally my choice to sleep with Dave, it was something I was expected to do, but... dating Dave was my choice. I was meant to be nothing more than a possession, that man wanted that from me, Dave wasn't even supposed to view me as a person, so the two of us being together was something we kept hidden. But I made it obvious that I loved him around the time to that man decided to mess with me, and then he used that over me. I’d do what he told me to do... he’d leave Dave alone for a day. I felt like I was taking punishments for Dave’s sake. Then it all sunk in when he... confessed to me that he wanted me. He didn't even realize that he wanted to hold things over me. He was amusing himself with tormenting me... until... I don't know what sparked the thought in his mind. I don't know what I did that set him off. I thought he saw my loyalty to Dave as either pathetic or something he was jealous of. I thought that was what made him mad, that I was defiant and dedicated. To be perfectly honest, I didn't put much stock into thinking about him or what he thought of me, I just wanted to ignore him. I didn't beg him to stop beating me when he'd randomly start hitting me. I wouldn't even talk to him unless he forced me to reply. Then he just came in one day, started saying that he loved me. It came out of no where. It didn't even seem like he believed it when he said the words. His eyes were so wide, he looked like he was either stabbed in his gut or that he was about to laugh. He hardly ever emoted, it was hard to see him as human, and just suddenly he looked just... panicked. He started grabbing me. Talking about how he wanted me and I thought back to this one moment, this moment where I made him cry. Months before he told me he wanted me, I told him that I just wanted to get... everything over with so..." John takes in a breath. He needs a moment to collect himself and his thoughts. "I told him I was ready to get everything over with, and that I'd do it for Dave's sake. I didn't understand why, but he instantly started to sob. He was crying into my neck, I couldn't move I was forced to lay flat on the bed while he screamed into my neck. I hate that I can remember the feeling, I can remember it so clearly because I was so scared. I remember how his breath smelt like nicotine and how his nails where digging into my bones. I was starving and the way he was clawing into me made the pain worse. And the picture on the walls... none of the people pasted on the walls ever had any eyes or ears, but I always felt like someone was watching.”_

_“It just kept getting worse and worse once it started. That man would buy me gifts, try to impress me with an assortment of random utterly useless garbage. I knew that he didn't believe that he could just buy my love, he did assume he could buy my respect." _

_John shakes his head. Rethinking everything he just said. "Dad, I know that you've missed a lot of my life, and you feel like you're excluded from knowing things that the lawyers and my therapist know, but there's a reason I've told you so little. I don't know if anything I say will honestly give you an insight into my life, I don't know how much of it is going to give you peace of mind. There's so much I've been through and it's hard to think over what to say, or how much information I should give you. So... How much do you honestly want to know?"_

_You would often ask yourself 'what was the worst of it?' You would find yourself searching online for articles, papers, any hints of court transcripts, you can't even explain why you felt like you needed to know, you don't know if that would somehow offer you up a sense of clarity and understanding for what your son went through. Aranea and Teresa seemed to think that you should never know. Maybe you feel like as a father, you should know everything about your son, but maybe... _

_"Son, I'm fine with just hearing out whatever you want to tell me... what **you **feel like I should know."_

_John’s eyes are shut closed. He takes a moment to think to himself before speaking again,_

_“He had these eyes. They were so hallow. I told him once I hated the shades he’d wear. He crushed them in his hand. He’d just stared at me. He was so desperate to get me to look back at him and see... anything. I couldn’t even see a soul in his eyes. I knew he killed people. Even before he told me... he explained to me how enjoyable it was to learn everything he could about a person and to end their lives... He had a lot of money, but we lived in a cluttered apartment complex. I know he didn’t care about what state he lived in. I don’t think he even cared about death. He killed so many. I don’t think it was for the sake of killing. I think it was so he could understand just why people want to live. I just... I don’t know what it was that he sees in me. I can’t believe he’s not accepting his losses... he can run now. Go anywhere and probably lay low for the rest of his life... but I know he’s going to come here. I just need to make sure that Dave’s safe. Dad... every moment of Dave’s life... the moment we get back home... it’s going to be beautiful. He’s never going to stress about if he’s going to get dragged out of bed by force. He’s going to sleep in a nice safe bed. He’s going to be able to go to the kitchen and get juice without thinking someone’s going to come from behind and hurt him. No ones going to smack the back of his head for just smiling. No one is ever going to hurt him again. He’s going to live such a peaceful life, playing around on his little phone and annoying me with his adorable raps. Oh god. Everyday he’s going to be singing and tickling me till I snort like a pig. Ugh... ha... but whatever makes him happy. He’s going to get that life he deserves.”_

_“Damn right.” You say the words without thinking. You leave your mouth parted open._

_John smiles at you with closed lips. You feel a bitter feeling still lingering in your gut, but when John smiles like that, it’s so hard to hold onto your rage. Even the rage you feel for that man. You can imagine that John wants to let go of that feeling too, of hate._

_“John...” You hear a faint voice from behind the wall. Dave asks his husband solemnly, “you’re still up?”_

_Dave walks in, rubbing his eye with his sleeve. He yawns and right away heads towards John’s side. John lifts up one arm and welcomes Dave with a kiss. Dave is crouching now, tucked under John’s arm in a gesture not unlike a bird taking his lover under his wing. _   
_John tsks and coos, “can’t get back to sleep?”_

_“Babe, you know I can’t sleep right ‘less you’re next to me.” Dave mutters. He attempts to force himself onto the chair that John’s sitting in. John holds his ground and gestures for Dave to sit on his lap instead. Dave hums. He stands back up and instantly, John smacks his tongue to the roof of his mouth, "Aw, darling... I didn’t want to force you to wake up!”_

_"Eh... I want some AJ anyway." Dave turns over towards the fridge. _

_John smiles down at the table. Dave usually goes to bed well past midnight, he probably got at best four hours of sleep in, he's going to be napping the day away now. Dave grabs his apple juice and then recalls that he needs a glass, John laughs as he watches Dave fumble around with cabinets until he finds out which one has the plastic cups he loves so much. Once Dave is all set, he turns to face John again._

_"Come here." John invites him to sit down on his lap again. Dave settles down onto John’s lap, rubbing the top of his head onto John’s round chin. _ _Dave mutters something indistinguishable. John instantly recognizes the words and speaks with great pride, _

_"We were just talking about how much I love you."_

_Dave shuffles a big, he moves his head down from John's shoulder to John’s chest, placing his cheek on John's pec. "Imuvemuhmure." Dave seems like he’s melting in John’s arms, slowly he sinks further and further down. _

_John shuts his eyes and peacefully pets back Dave's bangs. _

_You both know Dave isn't ready to say anything yet about his life under that roof, or any part of his childhood for that matter. Still, your mind can’t settle. You know something is wrong, something is out of order and you want to fix it. You want to know everything about Dave so you can heal his wounds._

_John shuffles a bit in his seat. Dave looks to heavy for him to hold onto, “honey, you’re falling asleep. Let’s go back to bed for a bit.”_

_Dave sits up, “huh?” He looks like he just feel asleep and woke up again. You let out a chuckle. Dave looks up at you, like he forgot you were present. He looks away from you for a moment, then he gathers together enough courage to ask something you weren’t expecting to hear. “can we watch tv together for a bit? I wanna lay down on the couch.” John smiles and kisses Dave’s cheek. “Of course we can! Anything you want!”_

_. . ._

You’re driving with your hands loosely gripping the wheel. The wind keeps pushing the car off towards the side but you’re keeping the ride as steady as you can. It’s winter, still there’s a storm moving in, you smile at the sight. As a kid, John loved car rides where a blanket of rain pelted the car. You remember a time when he was five where he though hail storm hitting your windshield was the funniest thing. The little devil. You run over a pothole in the road, John mumbles. You look into your rear view mirror. You spot John resting his head on Dave’s chest, two hours ago it was the other way around. Dave’s eyes are shut but he’s still half-awake. Dizzily striking John’s hair and kissing the top of his head. You smile as you turn your gaze back into the road ahead of you. The sky is a mix of dark grays and crystal blues. You're on your way out of the south and into the mid-west. Soon the skies will be filled with snow flurries and the road may turn into black ice. You'll try to keep your focus on the road, but there's something about looking at Dave and your son holding each other, something hypnotizing. There's a mix of feeling in your heart, mostly anticipation. Your palms are drenched and sweat is building onto the back of your neck, and you can't help but smile about it. 


	3. a soft sound

_Your eyes are unfocused_

_You're _ _rinsing your ivory hands in the sink. _

_Everything in this guy's bathroom is spotless._

_The sink is perfectly clean._

_White porcelain is glistening against your drained skin and your blue veins._

_You can't bring yourself to think._

_You don't want to think._

_You lift your chin up._

_You spot your reflection._

_Red piercing eyes, staring back… right at yourself._

_You quickly turn away, as you do you catch a small glimpse of purple._

_You shut your eyes and wince._

_You know why your forehead is purple. Last night, you got your head bashed into the wall..._

_You just pray that John won't end up seeing what you just saw._

_You take a deep breath, like you're anticipating hurt._

_You slowly turn towards your reflection again._

_As much as you don't want to look at yourself, you do._

_You open your eyes again and _ _look into your own reflection, trying to stare at only your bruise to survey the damage. _

_You tilt your head slightly, your bangs brush to the side and reveal the violet mark above your eyes._

_You've been to this house a few times. _ _You know how rough things can get here… _

_You had to spend the night again, your bro didn't give you a choice. He said it was a business deal he made and that you were part of it. You still had to charge him a fee for thrashing your skull in. He thought it was funny that instead of cowering after sex, you just told him it was extra. He laughed, you were used to men laughing at you, what you thought was strange was that this man would just toss around something he viewed to be 'Strider's property.' This guy just seems suicidal... he said he's gonna have the money for you next time you visit. If he doesn't make good the man's as good as dead... you're not sure you can bring yourself to feel anything but empty at the thought of your bro tossing him into the fourth floor... just like the others... You're just going to stay focus on doing your job. _ _You have to tell yourself it's worth it._

_It's worth the money._

_It's worth it._

_You need the money. _

_You have to keep pouring more into that bag. _

_You have to get John out…_

_Once you do, John can keep the bag._

_You know the money can hardly make up for the years of torment..._

_the years of living with you..._

_but _ _this might, at the very least, help him through it._

_Spree is usually the calmest part of your life, this time though... you had to fight off tears for nearly half the month you spent with John alone... You can't keep going on like this. You can just tell that John's been sucking up all his tears just to comfort you when you get home from a long day or God knows what... _

_Soon, someday soon, you know that_ _Dirk's going to have a long day. One day he's going to be tired. One day he's going to be so tired you know he'll sleep through you opening the door and then, you can slit his throat. _

_You'll wait for that day. You know you can't wait till next Spree._

_Thing are getting worse by the day. John's literally starving to death. _

_You know getting John to run out is going to be hard on him..._

_He's strong. Stronger than he even knows._

_John's got his whole life ahead of him, you'll see to it he can live it._

_You take a deep breath through your nose. _

_You focus on your reflection again, staring into your own eyes._

_Red as blood._

_Soon as this thing starts. _

_It will be impossible…_

_but you need to do this._

_You will do this._

_It needs to end._

_By your hand._

* * *

"Dave, get up! Sweetheart! We're here!"

Your husband is patting you on your side. Your head is buried in John's chest. You must have fallen asleep in his arms. You only just woke up and you're already shivering. John was sweet enough to wrap you up in a blanket as you were dreaming apparently. You don't even remember snuggling up to him, last thing you recall was staring out of the window. John decided to sit in the middle seat instead of the one on the right. He just wanted to hold you the entire drive over. Something you are glad about, if he didn't the winter cold would be freezing your nuts off right now.

The bitter cold air is seeping through the window and kissing the back of your neck. Under the blanket, you're wearing your gray sweatpants and a regular red long-sleeved tee. John's wearing actual clothes and not just PJs. Your husband's sporting capri pants and a baggy white shirt. He was dressed just like when the two of you first met. That warms your heart more than the blanket warms your body. 

John's talking to his dad about giving you a full-Egbert-household tour. John sounds so pumped, he's probably not even looking at you. You quickly open your eyes just to look see if you're right. Too bad you aren't wearing your shades, you think John just caught you trying to sneak a peek, you don’t know, you just shut your eyes as quick as you opened them.

Your husband laughs. He just decided that you had enough rest. John gently pushes you up off his chest and tries to sit you up straight. Instead of stay put like he wants you to, you pretend to still be asleep and fall right back into John's chest. John just got a kick out of that, he snorts and laughs.

You can't help but smile at the sound of his laughter, goes right to your heart.

John gently push back your bangs with his palm. You feel like wincing, you know that John can probably see the pimples on your forehead. 

John places a gentle kiss to your bare forehead and lightly breathes out the words, "time to get up, my love." 

He got you. 

John never calls you his love unless he wants to really claw into you.

This is important to him.

You softly open up your eyes. You slowly get up. You make no sudden movements 'till you jolt up and kiss John all over his adorable puffy red cheeks. Instantly he bursts out into a cascade of laughter. You hear Mr. Egbert in front of you, laughing along with the two of you. You've only seen him this happy when he was walking John down the aisle. Both the Egberts just can’t stop grinning.

John's holding you close to his chest, as the two of them talk back and forth about what they need to do around the house once you get settled in. Apparently, John's dad gave everything in his fridge and his pantry to his neighbors the day he left to see John again. Two of them are already making a shopping list. John doesn't make any attempt to hide how thrilled he is at the thought of shopping for groceries as a family. John's thrilled in general right now, actually and over every little thing to.

John's so excited to show you his old house and your new home.

It was a long drive from Houston, a short nights stay at an inn, along with a nice few months under the sheriff's watch and a hard several weeks being held in maximum security prison... but well worth the wait. Well worth the wait all your life, honestly.

You return to listening to your husband. John landed on the topic of your marriage when you were zoned out, he simmers down and gently tells you, "imagine the two of us getting up every morning to start the day and go to school! We can actually talk about what we wanna have for dinner during the day and I'll never let you go to bed without a full stomach! Can you picture it? It's just... it's everything I ever wanted."

It's more than you could ever ask for.

Your husband is smiling up at you, not like a big happy grin... but a peaceful smile. Like Johns content with just waiting for you to speak. You open your mouth to confess your first thought, but before you could the car bounces as it rolls over a huge bump. You assume that now the car is crawling up John's driveway. You turn your head to look out the front window and see that you were right.

You spot a large, white two-story house with a well-kept lawn. There's a huge tree right in the middle of it. John's dad hasn't been here in months and the place still seems taken care of. Everything down to the grass up to the garage door looks perfectly maintained and orderly. Even the trash bins up by the garage look tidy and polished.

There is a soft reddish glow bouncing from the window and onto your pale face. It's daybreak.

The car shuts off and John's dad jumps right out of the driver's seat without missing a beat. The guy can never stay still.

The cool, winter air is starting to seep even more into the car now that the heater isn't running, it's enough to make your entire body shiver. John pulls out of your hug and starts rubbing your arms up and down to warm you up. John's happily rubbing your hands with his as he nuzzles his head into your neck. You let out a soft sigh. Suddenly, your husband tightly wraps his hands around your arms as he squeaks, _"I can't believe we're finally here!"_

John's more than excited and that smile on his face is thawing you out more than his body heat.

You can't resist planting a kiss on John's cheek. John must have had a similar idea. You both meet in the middle and kiss each other's lips. John covers his laugh with an open palm. You move his hand away with yours and kiss him again. He's smiling so hard, you got a kiss full of overbite, your lips graze over John’s teeth. John starts laughing harder. You tightly wrap your hands around John's waist and pull him close to you. John lightly titters one last time, once his laughter completely stops, he gives you a look. John tells you with his eyes that he's waiting for you to make another move. 

The air around you is bitter cold, but under this blanket, it's warm and nice. To be honest, you don't want to get up.

You hear your dad mess around behind the car. He's already pulling things out of the trunk.

"We should get up." John says, now he's giving you eyes like you missed your window to convince him to let you cuddle him for an extra moment or two.

You know how to make him stay, just for a bit longer. Even if it’s not cuddling.

You tighten your grip around John's waist. You press your lips against his only this time you force John's chest up against yours by digging your claws into his torso and dragging his body up to yours. You're not sure why, but you know John's always the most comforted when he's constricted. John almost always sleeps pressed between a wall and you. John always wants you to hold him as tightly as your arms will let you. At the moment, John's softly rubbing his hands over yours as you stab your nails into his sides. 

You're not going to question it. You don't need to completely understand John, all you need to know is that he loves the feeling of something tightly holding him... like you're holding on for dear life.

When you pull your head back, your husband softly sighs. 

You loosen your grip on his waist as you confess for the umpteenth time out of the depths of your soul, "I love you."

John closes his eyes and lowers his head, with a gentle smile he tells you, "I love you more than anything in this world." John slightly sticks out his tongue and jests, “beat that.”

You’d love to, but you hear the clicking of wheels up against the pavement outside. John's dad is rolling up a two luggage pieces up the driveway and past the car.

Your husband cocks his head around in order to look behind him and out the window. 

You sit up and stretch out your back. You're ready to head in now, "let's go help 'em."

"Yeah..." John turns his head to look back at you, "I'm sore all over, and not in a good way."

You smile at your husband’s sick little words and turn around to open the door. John unbuckles his seat belt and then undoes yours. You slowly step out of the car and into the cold. You stretch your entire body out once both of your feet are on the ground. John follows your lead, once he gets out he stretches both of his arms behind his head and yawns.

You smile softly at John, seeing him yawn is warming up your heart. _'He's so cute.'_

You wanna yawn too, but you can't break your stride. Gotta keep it in, you have to keep it cool. John loves the whole 'chill loner' vibe you've got going on. You put your hands in your front pockets and lightly flip your hair. As you hoped, you got John's attention with that move.

John looks up at you, you give him a slight, sly smile.

John's probably still reeling from how you gripped onto him just now, he's giving you a happy-bubbly smile, he's got this look on his face like he's melting on the inside. You might have honestly struck something in him cause he just let out a laugh like he’s nervous. John jokes, "whooo! Finally got my land legs back!" 

You lightly snicker. You look up at the house ahead of you. The doors open and John's dad is already inside. It's so fucking cold out that you wanna rush in, but maybe you're not ready to head in after all. Your hearts pounding in your chest, you are so fucking nervous about actually starting your real life with John. 

Shit. Johns looking at you again. You quickly think of something to say, "you excited, babe?"

"You know it!" John lightly punches the air and snorts. He’s acting all dorky and lame, just like when you two first started hanging out. This is like a breath of fresh air, only instead of something new, it’s something familiar and perfect. It’s so nostalgic to see John snort and cheer without shame.

John's grabbing onto your hand now, you wanna take your palm away from him to wipe off the sweat. It's a good thing you're married, if not you'd be really embarrassed. John just ignores how clammy your hands are. He probably gets part of why you’re so nervous. You’re willing to bet he figures it’s cause you’re moving onto the next big step, not cause his snort made your heart start racing. God, you’ve been in love with him for years and you’re still sweating over his laugh!?

_'First the pimples, now this.'_

Your husband closes his eyes and takes in the cold, he seems like he's enjoying the fresh air. John takes a deep breath to sip it all in, and without thinking you mimic the action to calm your nerves, which you instantly regret.

The air is fucking freezing. For some reason, it hurts going down. Your lungs are filled with dry, stale air. You start hacking up a storm. So much for looking cool for your husband's sake. Shit. You aren't used to this weather at all. You haven't been in weather like this since you were like six. John's patting your back, trying to help you through your coughing fit. You try your best to collect yourself and stop hacking but your chill loner facade died the moment John made your palm’s sweaty. There’s no way you can reclaim it now.

You swallow down your coughs and straighten up your back. Once you do, you just start shivering even more than before. 

"Awwww... come here, come here" John starts rubbing your arms and hands to warm you up. "Let's get some luggage and then go inside, my poor sweetheart."

You let out a small hum, you let John soothe you for a moment. When Johns done comforting you, the two of you walk over to the trunk of the car. Your husbands still holding onto one of your hands, you didn't want to let go.

You see that two loads of luggage are missing from the trunk. Your dad-in-laws nowhere in sight. He must have gone to the front door a second time without you noticing. **You** didn't notice._ 'Shit.'_ You need to start keeping your guard up. Still not in the clear yet. Always a chance someone could have it out for you and your husband. You need to protect your family, it's your main priority and your only fucking job. You need to always keep watch of your surroundings, no exceptions. 

You stop mentally battering yourself and shake your head free of the thought. You're ready to pull out the rest of the luggage and bring it in yourself. Before you even move to grab anything, John already starts picking up a bag. He struggles to lift it up, but once it's down on the ground he smiles down at it like he's proud he got it out by himself.

John looks up at you and adorably tilts his head. John looks like he's waiting on you to pick one up yourself. It's not wise to keep _your_ husband waiting and it's not something that you enjoy doing. You rush to pull out the two heaviest suitcases as quickly as you can so you can. John must think you're trying to impress him with your strength, because he cover his overbite and giggled. After looking at those eyes of his, it doesn't even take you a second to decide that's actually what you want to do. You pulled out your old duffel bag and put it on before grabbing yet another carry-on bag and tossing it over your shoulder. You stare at John, waiting to see if he's even more impressed.

John started cracking up, wiping tears from under his glasses and patting your shoulder. You didn't do that to make him laugh, but you'll take it. Making John happy is the most you could ever hope for, you want that more than anything. 

Your husband kisses your cheek and as he pulls away. John then tilts his head. It's like he's examining you. Trying to read your mind. John looks confident as he nods. Whatever the fuck he just saw in your head, he seemed content with. You watch as he turns around and walks up the driveway.

It's not uncommon that the two of you exchange silent glances, silent looks is practically your second language. Somehow, John can just look at you and he knows what you're thinking, always made it hard to hide when you were hurting... not like you are right now. You can't feel anything but the cold. Fuck, it's freezing. 

You suddenly wake up from your trance and notice that you're just standing in the middle of the driveway, gawking at your husband instead of walking up the driveway with him. You rush to catch up with John. You hurry past him with your things. You want to get the front door for him, before you get it open John caught up to you.

"Oh? Now you decided to hurry?" Your husband looks you up and down with a smile and a cocked eye brow, "you could have walked up with me instead of gawk at my ass." You're always baffled by how quickly the love of your life can jump from kind and gentle to a demon who only lives to fuck with you.

With a smile on your face you match his tone, "really? you want those to be your first words to kick off our new lives?"

"Our lives start the moment you open the door." John gestures by nudging his head towards the door. He smiles with a bright grin, but you can tell in his eyes he just wants to drag you into bed so you can play rough under the covers, it’s so cold right now that you welcome it.

As soon as you opened the door for your husband, John cheerfully thanked you for getting the door and happily kisses your cheek. He must have switched his whole attitude because his dad was right there in front of you two. Egberts setting his bags next to the staircase. Damn, John must be feeling frisky now, must have seen inside your head. John probably read what you were thinking, that this is all too good to be true. Yeah, instead of pinching you to make sure that you're not dreaming, John is just going to slam you down onto your new bed to prove to you this is real.

John happily grins at the two of you. He tells his dad with a smile and a kick of his foot, "there's one thing left in the trunk."

"I'll get it." You instantly offer.

"Don't worry about the last bag, boys. I'm already on it." Your dad walks past you, and instantly turns his head back around to say, "John, wait for me before you start the tour. I'd like to be there for this." 

"Sure, dad!" John joyfully calls out to his dad as he finishes up placing his own bag next to his dad's. You follow John's lead and place your suitcases and duffel-bag next to the stairs.

You notice there's a couch placed right along the staircase, it's facing the front door and damn if it doesn't look soft. John must still feel tired, because he just parked himself right down on the sofa. You sit down next to him. John places his hand on top of your knee. The two of you are angled, facing each other. "I'm so happy you're here." John lightly speaks the words as he rests his head onto your shoulder. "You're going to love it. I know it."

"I'm happy we're both here..." You use your palm to push back his bangs, "together." You finish your thought and then gently kiss his forehead.

"There!" John pretends to sound agitated, "those are the first words I said to you to 'kick off our new lives.' Pretty sweet, right?"

"Yeah. How was mine?" You try to keep yourself from laughing.

"Eh." John did a so-so gesture. "Little cheesy, man. I love that you made it about the two of us though, and not just me for once!" John wraps his arms around your entire body and pulls you into a tight bear hug. You tense up from the force and let out a "hmp." Takes a hot minute for you to get used to the feeling of your lungs being restricted, once you do, you gently place your palms onto John's back. Even after several ticks of an insanely loud clock, John didn't seem to want to let go. He must be doing that thing again where he pretends to hate how romantic you can be but he really goes fucking nuts over it. 

You let him hold on tight to you as you scan your eyes around the room. 

There is a fireplace across the room with an vase resting on top of it. There’s a portrait of an old woman right next the light blue vase. John once told you he had a nanna years ago who died when he was young and he never really hang out with his mom’s side of the family too because they live over by the east coast, that and his mom died when he was very little.

You notice that there was a photo on the wall of a baby in the arms of a woman with long black hair and rich tan skin. You guess that was John and his mom. You have to get a better look later. It's only fair, John keeps getting a kick out of that picture of baby-you in your mom's arms. He joked about how in the photo you look constipated, eh, you let him laugh at the photo. John went through the trouble of printing the article for you. He even cut out _him_ from the picture, so it was just you and Roxy alone together. You bet she would've been psyched to see you move in with your husband... You bet that your mom would have loved John. Roxy looks like she loved life and was always a joy to be around. She would have been so excited to meet someone who's exactly the same in that way. That... and you're sure that Roxy would have been glad to see you accept you don't always have to stand on your own two feet, alone.

You hear the door creak open and feel the winter air make a break to enter the house. Your dad promptly closes the door behind him and sets down the luggage down right next to your own. 

John softly says to his dad, "I'm sure it's going to start snowing sometime soon, it's pretty chilly out there."

_'Chilly? Just chilly?'_ You're freezing your fucking nuts off.

John's dad nods, like he agrees. "We've got to get you boys some new winter coats. Bet you never needed one, Dave." Your dad addresses you as he takes off his coat and hat, "Son, it's important that you start dressing in layers." You tilt your head as he speaks, you have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. "John, I expect you teach Dave how to dress for the cold. It may seem like second nature to you, but you need to remind Dave to remove his clothes if they get wet from the snow. I know he doesn't like to change often even if he gets his clothes all crumby and messy."

"Can't see that being too much of an issue, dad! I’ll make sure to get Dave to undress whenever we come back from an outing!” John happily chimes. Your eyes widened, was John really making some kind of fucked up joke about fucking you in front of your shared dad? John cheerfully smiled and said, "I'm super excited to show Dave everything about life here!"

"That's what I like to hear." Your dad nodded. "Now, let's kick this tour off with a bang shall we?" John's dad directs you to follow him.

As soon as your dad faces away from the two of you, John lifts himself up by the balls of his feet and whispers, "I'll remind you to take your clothes off every time we’re alone together too, just to make sure you always remember how important it is to undress, how about that?"

"You're going to do that for me?" You smile down at him. "That's sweet of you, babe."

"Yep!" John nods and talked loud enough that his dad could hear again, "I'll teach you all about how to deal with the cold!"

John snorts and bumps you with his elbow as he walks ahead of you, "but I know that you're already used to being_ super cool!" _

You sigh and shake your head. He just got on your case about being cheesy when he's the king of all things corny.

You mutter under your breath, "that's the man I married." 

* * *

Your dad-in-law is standing right besides you as he's packing tobacco into a pipe. John is happily glancing around the kitchen, looking through all of the cupboards and cabinets. Checking out all of the appliances that his dad owns, you guess that now they're John's appliances too.

John just opened up the oven, which took you for a surprise. You don't know why he'd want to look inside.

John pulls out a few metal baking sheets, throwing you even more for a loop.

_'People just keep sheets in there?'_ You guess that makes more sense than leaving then on top of the stove like you always did but you only ever had one. John’s dad has like ten. Oh shit, in the town house there was always like three in the sink at all times. You always wondered where he found them, you had no idea people kept those metal sheets _in _the oven.

"Wow!" John sounds amazed at the stainless steel device. He quickly shoots his head around to look at his dad, "how old is it?"

"About two years." His dad answers.

John turns back to the machine, he seems mesmerized by it,

"Oh, this thing is going to be my whole life now."

John's dad lightly laughs as he lifts up his hand, the one holding that’s the pipe. Your dad lightly bumped you with his elbow. "I expect he's going to be cooking with you in mind. Most men would consider you lucky that you found a spouse this keen on cooking, son."

You withhold yourself from making any comments about how all men would consider you lucky for marrying John for an entirely different reason. The reason being that ass. Instead you settle for, "I consider myself very lucky for ending up with someone so kind, sir." 

John rolls his eyes as he stood up. "Dave. You don't have to be so polite to dad, and you don't need to call him _sir_."

"Son, it's fine." Mr. Egbert defended you. "Dave just needs some more time to get used to life with us. And... I like how polite he is, eases my mind."

John lightly groans and mumbles something to himself as he shuts the oven door.

Your dad points out another door next to a small table and TV he has set up in the kitchen, "Dave that's the laundry room. I expect you and John take care of your own. Though, I don't mind washing my loads with yours if need be." 

John groans again, "obviously, dad! And this is just a temp thing. I'm not going to be bumming off of you forever."

"Oh now, son. Don't think of this as bumming off of me, we are family. And I only ask you take care of your own laundry so you maintain a little structure and responsibility in your homelife. I expect you're going to be busy with college and I don't mind taking care of-" You kinda tune out. You're to focused on how John's rolling his eyes. Your husband seems annoyed that your dads talking about what it means to be 'a man of integrity' and how a good man always takes care of his family and, on another entirely different note, educates himself. For some reason, your dad stopped talking about family and reached the topic of being 'a good husband.' Oh, shit... yeah you're listening to this part.

You take note as John's dad gives you advice, "a marriage is built on respect, but always remember that respect is earned and it's earned through trust, which is why keeping your word is key to-"

"We know." John sighed. "You're just talking in circles, dad."

"I am?" Mr. Egbert asked as he started feeling his pockets, probably for a lighter. Your dad hangs his pipe out of his mouth as he begins to use both hands to feel his back pockets up. Mr. Egbert gives in and grabs his pipe again, removing it from his mouth to speak, "I think my lighter is in the study."

John gasps. His eyes suddenly lit up for some reason.

"Dave! Dave!" John grabs your wrist and instantly began pulling you along with him, "come with me!" 

John guides you by the hand out of the kitchen and into the main room again, there's a door right besides the one you just exited that he opens for you. He practically shoved you in just now. First thing you notice in the room is a large black piano with ivory keys. John doesn't even wait for you to ask. He just sits down and begins to play.

Your husband plays a cheerful, high-spirited song for you as his dad walks in and grabs his lighter.

Once your dad lights up, he begins lightly smacking his lips open and closed. The room fills with the scent of burning tobacco, not like cigarette smoke, no... but something all of its own. The scent seems kind of pleasant when coupled with the sounds of John happily playing a song just for you. 

John takes in a deep breath and sneezes. He doesn't miss a beat of his song.

Your dad laughs as he says, "God bless you."

You quickly follow his example, "bless you."

John thanked you for the concern by kissing your cheek.

He decided to play for you a new song.

Much to your delight, he began to sing.

* * *

You were shown around the rest of the house. You were able to glance around the first floor. John's dad kept it nice, the entire place was spotless. There weren't as many photos of John around as you would have hoped but there were way more books than John was expecting. John was already skimming the titles of the spines and humming to himself as he happily picked one out and put it aside for later. John guided you upstairs shortly after, his dad trailing behind the two of you.

You guess the tour is nearly over once you hear John say, "this here is our room!"

You rethink that guess when your husband says, "let's save that for last. Okay?"

"Alright." You nod, forcing your hands back into your pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. It's still fucking freezing but you can't break your stride. Not again.

John directs you back towards the staircase that you just climbed up, he points down a small hall and says, "down the hall is my dad's room and the other door is the bathroom!"

"Which one's which?" You ask, needing to know the difference now before you walk into a room you shouldn't.

"Lefts the toilet." John nods.

You look around and notice a small staircase right behind you, "what's up there?"

"Come on! I'll show you." John takes you by the hand again, he seems eager to guide you up the tiny staircase. As soon as he opens the door the bitter cold hits you again. 

John walks ahead, taking his time as he strolls over to the edge of the balcony. He places his hands up onto the railing. You follow. The air was blisteringly cold against your skin. You pull your hands back. You look back at John who is focused now on the infinite sky above him. The morning sky turned from dark red to light blue while you were inside. The clouds are a radiant white as the sun shines through each of them. Your dad breaks the silence, "I still have the old telescope. I could take it out of the attic for you boys to use tonight."

"We can wait on that, dad." John looks behind him to tell his dad, "thank you, though." You love how polite he always is.

John turns so he can look at you. "We can stargaze when it isn't so cold out, let's get back inside you look like you're chilled down to your bone."

You didn't even notice that you were violently rubbing your arms from your shoulders to your elbows, you thought you were just crossing your arms. 

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have warned you it would be cold.” John wraps one of his arms around you as he hurried you inside, "as soon as I climbed those steps, I was a twelve year old kid again." 

You look back over at the door. Mr. Egbert is holding the door open for the two of you, you can see a soft expression, like he's proud or content or... you're not sure. You can never read his expressions. All you know is that he looks like he's at peace.

Your dad continues to hold the door open for you, so the two of you thank him. You, especially, have to keep up with showing this man the respects he deserves. 

The two of you rush in so your dad can shut the door and kill the air flow from fucking freezing up the place. 

Your dad-in-law smiles at the you and your husband. "Let's get the luggage upstairs. Get the blood pumping, that'll warm you up." He says as he walks down the steps.

John scoffs at that, taking a moment before muttering, "more like kill my back."

* * *

You work fast to bring up as much as you can as quickly as you can. You don't want John lifting anything to heavy, you're not gonna let him over work himself, and if you can help it, work at all. You bring one luggage case along with your old duffel bag and than hurry to trot back down.

You find John at the bottom of the staircase, lifting up one of his luggage cases and carrying it up the first few steps. You take the bag out of his hands. "Thanks for handing me that, babe." You hurry up the rest of the way before he can say anything to that. Once you're done with that bag, you rush downstairs again and grab the bag John was just about to lift. You don't even look at him, you know he's just going to give you a ice-cold glare and you don't want to deal with any more things chilling your bones again today.

You set the bag down at the top of the stair case again and then rush back downstairs, John's dad is scooting past you with his own suitcase. You offer to take it the rest of the way up for him, "already there, son." Mr. Egbert chuckled.

You tell him, "I honestly don't mind doing all the-"

"grunt work?" John asks, huffing.

You turn to face the bottom of the stairs again, John is trying to lift up another completely full luggage case. You finish your sentence, "heavy lifting."

You sigh as you try to take the bag away from John, "it's mostly filled with my clothes so I should carry it."

"Dave," John set the bag down on the step above him, "I don't mind carrying _our_ things upstairs. I want to help."

"I know." You recall that nearly all of your things are up. "You helped me out a lot."

John crosses his arms and gave you the exact look you feared before. He's getting frustrated with you.

John grabs onto the bag again. He began pulling up the rest of the steps, one-by-one. You let him, just watching. You can't resist asking, "do you need help?"

"I need you to stop dotting- huf- on. me." John finishes pulling the bag all the way up and begins huffing. "Whoo!" John pulls back both of his shoulder blades to crack them. "Done!"

"Well, then... if you're done." Your dad-in-law's right behind you. "I'll let you boys settle down now."

You turn to look at him, he looks like he's trying hard to keep himself from smiling to wide. John does the same exact thing all the time. You smile back at him, you can't help it. He just looks so happy that you and John are happy.

Mr. Egbert lifts up his arm, your dad is expecting a hug.

You walk up to him and accept the gesture. You pull John into it with you. You whisper to him, "thank you." John repeats the sentiment. "Thanks, dad. This means the world to the both of us. Even if you keep giving us speeches about marriage like I'm not already a pro."

"I wouldn't do anything less for the two of you." Your dad pats your back as he laughs. You let go of him, John lingered a little longer to give his dad a tighter squeeze. The two of them were slow to break away from each other.

John's dad let out a gentle breath, "now, I'm going to start unpacking." Your dad walks over towards his room with two of his suitcases rolling with him. 

"Let's do the same." You nod and look over at John. 

You start picking up your luggage so you can roll it over to his room- 

"Wa-wait!" Your husband seemed like he just realized something horrible. 

When you look back at John, he seems a bit panicked.

John steps past you and the luggage. "Let me- let me take down a few things off the wall first!"

John slid into his room, he must have just rushed to toss out a few things because next thing you know he is standing outside the door again, panting and huffing with tape on the edge of his glasses and on his fingers. John gives you a small and stressed smile as he grabs your duffel bag off the floor along with one of the luggage cases. He drags out the handle so he can roll it and quickly grabs another. You follow right behind him with your two black bags rolling behind you. John opens the door already and invites you inside by saying,

"Okay so... don't poke fun of anything."

"I told you already, man." You nod. "I won't."

John lightly opens the door, allowing you the chance to peek inside a place that he'd reminisce about when he felt homesick. You always tried to picture what it would look like, it always felt like it was just a part of your life that was absent from you. 

You place your bags in the middle of the room next to John's bed.

You look around. The doorway you are standing in is right in the middle of the room. A room with bare plain brown walls. A wooden floor right beneath you, smooth against your bare feet. You walk over and stand besides the queen sized bed right against the wall. You slowly sit down on his mattress and keep scanning the room. 

There's a window outside, John is drawing back the curtain to stop the outside light from entering the room. He knows you like it dim and dark. There's a small walk-in closet on the other side of the room across from you, there's nothing in there but empty coat hangers. There's an outdated gray computer monitor resting on top of a large desk. You notice there's a bin underneath filled with old posters and some old toy Ghostbusters figures. That, and John threw a blanket over some sort of chest. You don't know why he would cover it up, you're going to see it later anyway... 

You sit down on the bed. Your bed now you guess. Whatever is John is yours and vise versa.

This is the bed of the boy that you fell in love with years ago. 

This is the room that you are going to stay in with the one you love.

You take a deep breath and look back up at him. 

"This is just till we get on our feet." John tells you.

"Yeah... but uh... can we put something on the walls in the meantime?" You ask him. "It feels kind of bare."

"We can figure something out." John half-smiles as he nods.

He sits down, right besides you. John looks up at the ceiling, tilting his head back and blankly glancing up at nothing. "It felt so weird to be in this room months ago... now that I'm going to be living here again it feels even more strange."

You place your hand on top of his. You do it so often he didn't even notice.

"Feels weird to be on your old bed?" You lean to try to capture his gaze.

"yeah..." He shifts his glance down, John's looking down at the ground now. 

"That's only because we haven't broken it in yet." You whisper into his ear.

"Yeah... I guess we’ll have to start sleeping in it for it to feel like it’s mine again." John turns to face you, shutting his eyes as he begins softly kissing your neck.

"We can sleep later." You pull his chin up, guiding his kisses up from your neck to your lips. 

John pulls away so he can stare at you.

"You want to break in the bed, huh?" The tone your husband is taking up with you right now is straight up dangerous. "Isn't your ass already sore from all of that sitting?" John slyly smiles up at you, "think you can take this pounding?"

He actually wants to top **you** right now. 

You whimper out the word, _"fuck"_

"Ohhoho... now you're nervous?" John crawls onto your lap. "You sounded so sure a moment ago." John slips his tongue into your mouth. He doesn't give you the chance to break away from him. He's forcing you to kiss him even deeper by grabbing the back of your head with both his hands.

John broke away from your lips, panting as he whispers, "for the past couple of hours I've been waiting to do that again." He feels so hot in your lap. His ocean blue eyes look so determined to be yours and he's going to top you right now, just to please you. It's pleasing you as much as it's killing you. You want to make this moment perfect for _him_, you know how much he would prefer to be in your place... bit if there's one thing you can't say no to it's John and his fat cock.

You lightly peck John on the lips. In response to that, John forces you down to the bed, he shoves his tongue into your mouth and starts riding his hands up your shirt. You start rubbing yours along his back. He's grinding his crotch against yours. 

He's doing everything in his power to make you rock hard without any words. He just made you fully fucking erect with hardly any effort on his part. You grab onto his ass and moan into his mouth. John just keeps rolling his tongue against your piercings, like he wants nothing more than to taste you. John always been crazy about your tongue. He hums at the feeling of your kisses. John pulls away once and lightly gasps for air and then dives right back into you.

Suddenly there is a knocking at the door.

"Boys? May I come in?"

John flips his hair as he lifts up his head. He helps you back up. You hunch yourself over to cover your erection. John grabs a pillow to cover his monster cock. You get setup in about five seconds before John calls out, "yeah, dad! Come in!"

Your dad opens the door and got right to the point,

"Boys. I'm going to give you some time to settle in but I wanted to tell you something. Ms. Pyrope just gave me a brief call. She told me she believes that she can arrange for some of Dave's belongings sent to our home. Dave you will get your laptop back as well as a few other things."

"I'll have to thank her later." You look up at him, still hunched over and covering your crotch, your hands are starting to shake. 

"I think she would appreciate if you'd leave her a message, right now she's probably busy." Your dad nods. "And- well... Seeing that you're going to get back your laptop, you could maybe use it for some school work. Perhaps you could look into college sometime this week to attend in sp-"

"-Hey, dad." John interrupts him, he probably wants him out just as much as you do right now, "Dave and I are going to put away some things and then get some real sleep."

"Alright. We can talk about this later." John's dad nods and pulls the door close as he says, "goodnight, boys."

"night." "goodnight, dad!" You two say simultaneously. 

"So here's the game." John turns to you, "we have to put away everything we touch in our bags until one of us finds a bottle of lube. Then, I’ll ruin your hole.”

You don't waste any time.

You get right to searching.

* * *

When you woke up in the morning, John wasn't besides you.

You sigh and then start hacking. 

Your ass feels a bit sore, your throat even more so. You get up and smack your lips together. Your skin feels really dry today, your eyes do too. Maybe you should take a shower later, for right now you want water. 

You don't want to get up from under the covers, there are so many blankets on the bed, John was sweet enough to drag out every last one when you started shivering last night and you knew just how to thank him for that. Fucking his ass under those sheets really fucking made the bed warm.

You force yourself up, you need to put on some clothes. Maybe since it's so cold... you shouldn't sleep naked but John was right there to warm you up in every possible way.

You quickly pick out your longest sleeved shirt and find a hoodie. You can't find any of your own, so you slip on some of John's boxers along with two pairs of sweatpants. You were thinking of putting on a third but think twice because shit, man... you need to use the bathroom right now. 

You open the door to exit into the hall, you're more than happy to see your husband was standing right behind it.

You instantly smile at seeing his happy face.

"Hey, babe." You say as you walk out of your room.

You kiss him on the side of his head. "Gotta piss." 

"Come downstairs when you’re done, sweetheart." 

John just called you sweetheart. You kiss him again on the lips.

He knows what that name does to your heart.

* * *

You yawn and stretch as you exit the bathroom. You start walking downstairs and you smell something sweet in the air. You look down to see your husband and your dad-in-law both with cones on their heads standing in the middle of the room. The two of them happily cheer,

"Happy birthday!" 

You didn't even know it was December yet. Sure it was bitter cold out, but you thought that was just normal fall weather here. You didn't even hear John and his dad leave the home. You assume that they need to go to the store to get the shit they'd need to bake something. Mr. Egbert put a cone on the top your head and your husband grabbed your hand. "Come! Come into the kitchen!" 

John guides you into the kitchen where you see a table set up for your birthday. 

John cheerfully states, "it's your 21st so we made you 21 cakes!"

You sit down where John guided you to sit.

You marvel at the table.

Each cake only about the width of your fist, stull you could imagine this took a lot of doing to get finished up in time for breakfast.

There was a tiny red glazed cake, as shiny and as reflective as a mirror. One was a small Neapolitan cake. A few incredibly thick and tall pancakes stacked on top of one another. There were too many for your eyes to even focus on, that and you can't stop eyeing the one with lucky charm marshmallows fully covering the outside of the cake.

John brought you out a tiny little white birthday cake with confetti sprinkles on the bottom. John's dad just lit all of the candles on top.

John asks you to make a wish... just like he does every year. 

You were about to blow out the candles but you just laugh instead, John is hovering over you with your Polaroid camera. He wants to get a photo of you blowing out the candles, you better make this wish count. You picture in your head living with him in a beautiful home with a big yard and a big dog. You put your lips together and blow, wishing for everything that John asked for... everything that you could ever want.

John snaps a photo and claps for you with a grin. "Oh... I wish I could have gotten some gifts for you. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Babe, this is perfect." You look at the table at all of the cakes that John and his dad made for you. You feel a bit intimidated. "More than perfect actually."

"Uh..." You look up at your dad and than at John, "I'd love if you two would help me... eat some of this."

John's dad plucks all of the candles out of the cake before the hot wax dripped onto it. "Sure thing, son." 

"Oh!" John grabs the small flat chocolate cake for you and asked you to "open it up."

Weird word choice but okay. You sliced your fork into the cake and melted, gooey chocolate poured out of the small hole you just made. John explained, "it's a lava cake." You snort at the word. John snorts back.

You brought your fork up to your mouth and tried it. It was warm and the chocolate was so smooth. It was like nothing you've ever had. You can see why John was so excited for you to try it.

"This is my favorite thing you've ever made me." You confess.

"I knew you'd love it!" John clasps his hands together and gave himself a little cheer as he sits down to join you. 

John's not the biggest fan of cake and John's dad seems to produce more cakes than he himself eats, you just know this is probably going to all fall on you... Well, expect for the cookie cake, you're sure John's going to devour the thing on his own. You wouldn’t be surprised if the thing is sugar free. John's helping himself to a slice of that said cake right now, wiping off the red frosting. 

"I still can't believe you guys made all of this today." You still can't focus on any of the cake's either. You're fucking tired out of your God damn mind. 

"It took all morning." John sounds proud as he takes another bite into his cookie cake.

"All morning? Isn't it still... how long was I out for?" You asked the two of them both.

"You slept basically a full day, sweetheart." John said. "I've been up for hours. Got up so early we had to wait for the shops to open."

"Oh, man. I'm sorry." You look down at your plate. They really went out of their way for you. 

"Don't worry about it." John kisses your cheek and sits up. "Let me get you some apple juice. All that chocolate must be making you thirsty."

You look down at your cake and take another bite. You look over at your dad-in-law. He smiles at you as he opens up his paper. You turn to look at John who's handing you a glass of fresh apple juice they made just for you.

"Happy birthday." John kisses your cheek again. 

"Thanks, you too." You take a sip. You cough when you realize what you just said. John laughs. Your dad laughs too. You swallow down another sip of apple juice. 

You stayed at the table for another hour to full to move. Still when you were able to you started helping john's dad with the dishes. He told you that you can help out some other time, he's done with the last fork anyway. 

"Dave- Sweetheart. Come here!" John sounds excited to show you something in the other room. You head out to check out what he's excited about.

"Look." He points at something that's outside the window.

You walk by his side.

You spot what he's excited about.

It's snowing. 

There's a fresh layer of fallen snow resting on top of the grass. 

Piling on top of one another.

"We need to buy some winter clothes so we can sled. I really want you to go sledding with me." 

You grab onto his waist and rub it as you watch the snow peacefully dance as it finds its place onto the ground on top of more white winter flakes. The sky is a beautiful blue, bright and oddly romantic. Like John's eyes. 

* * *

"Auc-achoo!" 

You just sneezed again, John's making a face like he's the one who's hurt.

You can't believe you are still fucking sniffling after that last sneezing fit you had.

Your eyes are so dry, good thing that they are already red. You aren't used to cold weather at all. You already took a hot bath and that only opened your sinuses for a hot second. John picked out a fresh outfit for you to wear and left it in the bathroom for you. Your favorite sweatpants, some warm socks, your shades, a hoodie, and of course one of your red and white baseball-tees. 

You didn't stay in the tub for long. You just wanted to sleep. You got dried and got dressed right afterward. When you made it to the living room you laid back down on the couch. John was waiting for you, he gave you the tv remote, and several blankets to cover yourself with. He wrapped you up himself and then handed you some hot tea for your aching throat. He gave you an ice pack for your headache, a heat pack for your back. Right after he set you up, you had a sneeze fit. 

Right at this moment, John's making you eat a teaspoon of honey to help with your throat. You cough, the thick consistency of the honey momentarily made it so you couldn't breathe at all, but the stuff did help sooth you a little bit. John grabs you a glass of ice cold water off of the living room table and helps you drink it. 

John's dad stepped in again, offering up John some help. Instantly, "dad! get out of here!" your husband shooed him away... again.

John told your dad earlier, _"Dave never let me take care of his head colds before!" _John's right about that, but you also never got a head cold this aggressive before.

Your dad-in-law already left the room, he peaked his head back in to say, "sorry, son. But I just remembered, I came in to ask if you need anything. I'm stopping by the store-"

"To get what?" John asked, there is a slight hint of annoyance in his tone. Your dad must have picked up on it too.

"Well, I was planning on making tomato soup and grilled cheese-" That sounded pretty good to you right about now, you weren't sure you had the appetite to finish a whole sandwich, but that sounded fucking choice. Still your husband didn't take to that.

"His throat is way to scratched up for something like that." Once John's dad opened his mouth John already had a comeback, "-Even **If **you cut off the crust." John cleared his throat. "If you are heading out to the store to buy medicine, maybe you can pick me up some things to fix up chicken soup."

"Sure thing, son." Your dad nods, "I get how... important this is too you."

You sit up, the fifty fucking blankets wrapped around you prevent you from sitting up, you open your mouth to speak, but the dry air makes you cough instead. 

John begins patting your back.

"Son," Your dad says. You aren't sure if he means you or John yet. "If you don't want to get sick, you shouldn't get so close to the line of fire."

"Dad, honestly!?" John lets his frustration and his annoyance manifest with a stinging, "you're not helping, right now."

You know that would cut at you, you open your mouth again to say what you were going to say in the first place, "You know, John." Ugh. You sound like a complete loser since your nose is completely clogged up. You cough slightly again and swallow down some dry spit down your aching throat, "you could... lay off your dad a little."

"Dave!" John looks back at you, "I've been waiting practically my whole life for a chance like this!"

John sounds like he's going to start talking about some big break into stardom with his Broadway dreams. He's a bit to invested into your current ailment, he looks like he's having the time of his life cause your sick as balls. John begins to explain, "I always wanted something like this between us, you getting sick and drinking soup that I made for you on the couch. It's like- the real final step in our relationship. To show we really made it."

"You do know I'm in pain, right?" You ask him. "You're a bit to pumped for this."

"Oh, hush!" John shoves your arm. "I just want to be the one who takes care of you! I always wanted to really show you how **_I _**can take care of you, instead of the other way around. Just let me have this."

"Only if you promise that next time, you're the one who gets sick." You nasally and slowly get out the words.

"I'll try my best." John kisses your forehead. "Now, dad come with me. I need to see what we have before you head out."

You look over at your dad-in-law, the brave soul is still standing right there instead of running for the hills. John's on fire right now, only one person has ever been able to stop his wrath and you're kind of taking a sick day today.

* * *

You must have fallen asleep. You have no idea how long you were out for. You just know that you don't like how dry the snot in your nose is. You feel like the embodiment of misery, the personification of bad breath. 

John placed another tissue box next to you as he sit's down on the couch, "this is the last one until my dad gets back."

He's at your eye level, you're hunched over and shivering as you grab onto the blanket. 

John starts rubbing your back, "do you need anything else, sweetheart?"

"Babe." You cough and struggle to breathe in air. "Can you bring me my sword?" You sound so congested as you speak. You can't even hope to breathe air in from your nose, nor do you try. 

"What?" John sounds concerned. 

You still need to protect John, along with yourself and your dad, if something happens. It's your responsibility. You don't say anything. You just look into his eyes. Gazing deep into his eyes until you sniffle.

John blows a laugh out of his nose, "alright." He agrees. "You win," he says as he gets up from the couch to grab your sword from your room. As soon as he returns with your sword in hand, you both hear your dad open the garage door. "I'm going to help him." John kisses your cheek and places your sword down at your feet on the floor. John slips it slightly under the couch "so no one steps on it by mistake," he explains. 

Before he leaves he asks you another time, "do you need anything."

"No." You take another deep wheeze. "I love you."

"I love you more." Hu more? Oh you must have said I love you again. Yeah no, you love him more but you're too tired to fight him on that.

A several moments later John came back with a can of Redbull like you asked John's dad to pick up for you. It had a pink bendy straw in it so it's easier for you to drink. 

"Thanks" -your sniffle- "babe."

John grabbed a tissue for you, held it up to your nose and asked you to "blow."

He tosses the used square tissue in the bin by your feet. Than he unscrews a strange jar of clear gel. He rubs some onto your sore nose. You can actually smell it. It has a strong, yet indescribable, scent. It would smell like lavender if it didn't smell so much of artificial chemicals. He rubs some under your shirt and onto your sweaty chest, it feels tingly but soothing on your feverishly hot skin. He pulls away from you and kisses you again, "I have to go back to the kitchen for a while, my dad's probably already messing with your soup." He really means_ his_ soup. 

Your open up your mouth to say 'I love you' again on instinct, then you start coughing up a storm instead. You cover your mouth with your arm. You can hardly breathe in. The air is so dry. John sits back down and starts patting your back and than smacking it, it's actually helping you breathe easier.

"Thanks" -you struggle to say the word- "ba-babe-e"

He lightly chuckles at you and than gives you a sympathetic look as he tilts his head. His smile is filled with a tender compassion for his poor sick husband. His blue romantic eyes are warm and a true comfort to gaze into. He kisses your cheek again and breaks away from you to make you some soup. 

When he gets back later he tells you it needs to sit. He pats your back again for you when you start coughing. He joins you in watching tv. You shiver as you hold the energy drink can in your hand, your struggling to keep the thing from spilling over. John holds onto you for a while to try to sooth your trembling. It's only somewhat cold in the room and your body is super hot but you feel hot and cold at the same time. You aren't sure if you want more ice water or another heat pack. John takes your heat pack anyway and goes to reheat it for you. Still, you think that it's less of a heat pack and more of a cashew shaped bean bag to be honest, it's even tan like a cashew.

When the soup was finally ready you were shivering too much to hope to hold a spoon. John proudly feeds you chicken soup that he must have fought off his dad to make for you alone. He makes a spoonful for you and it's so warm and smooth going down your sore, red throat. It's much better than the canned stuff that you made every other day back in that apartment. The chicken is greasy but in the kind of way that lets you know that it's straight from the real deal. He even told you he used a rotisserie chicken to make it for you. You finished about half of it before John left again for a moment to use the bathroom. You couldn't resist. You had to drink more. You grabbed the soup and sipped down the rest straight from the bowl. 

You have to use the bathroom yourself before he gets back. He passes you as you walk into the hall and kisses you again. You take your time in the bathroom before you head back to him. When you get back, John's set up a several pillows and old blankets from his closet. He notices you behind him and turns to face you and raises his eyebrows,

"You really liked the soup, hu?" He must have noticed that you gulped down the whole thing.

"I'm really sorry, babe." You clear your throat. "I couldn't wait for you... It was just too good."

"You want another bowl?" Your husband asks.

"Yeah." You nod.

* * *

John tries to keep up with how quickly your sipping it down. He seems happy that he made something that you like enough to inhale it. By the time your finished with the next bowl you wanted to take a nap. John rested with you as you slept on the couch, laying down in between you and the couch cushion. 

When you woke up you feel John's head resting right underneath your neck. You kiss the top of his head to let him know that you are awake. You put on a documentary about the late 90's. John's hands are rubbing against the middle of your chest. He gently rubs his hand in a circle as he slowly runs his hand down to your stomach and than right above your pelvis, "you want a handjob, daddy?"

"Too tired" -you cough for a bit and sniffle- "for sex. I can"-you swallow down some spit down your dry throat- "do you if you want."

"No, no. I'm only asking if you want it." He moves his head back and looks up at you.

"Thanks, babe." You smack your lips, "but I only like it if I can get you off too."

"I feel the same way... but this is a special occasion don't you think?" He gives you a kind smile, with alluring eyes. "Today is all about you."

"Can you- just..." -you swallow spit again and smack your lips- "hum to me instead."

He takes a moment to smile at you with gentle eyes, "anything for you."

* * *

"Achoo! Auchoo! Achoo! BEEW! PHEW!"

John is sneezing up a storm. He only stopped to start hacking and coughing. You're holding up a tissue to his poor red nose. He blows into your hand as you pat his back. Maybe he shouldn't have slept with you through the night on the couch. 

"Thank you." -John sniffles- "my love."

John's a bit loopy from the medicine and from his head cold. You grab another tissue and make him blow again, when you pull away to throw it in the bin he smiles at you. "I feel awful." He snuggles his head up to your chest. You start stroking his hair. He hums. "I'm so glad I'm with you." He's been treating the whole ordeal like he is suffering through this with you. He starts breathing out of his mouth again. Neither of you can breathe from your nose now. You gently lift him up and take his glasses off of him along with your shades and place it on the table in front of you. You press up his bangs and kiss his sweaty, salty forehead. 

"I love you," you mutter. "Let's get some sleep."

_"I love you too, my darling." _John sings with a throat that sounds so sore. 

Your heart is melting, and so are your lungs. You wheeze again and then you start hacking. 

You fell asleep with your husband laying down on top of half of your body. John's back is up against the couch. His head on your chest. John left a puddle of drool on your shirt, he's taking in deep breaths with his mouth wide open. You've just done the same with one of the pillows underneath you. Your throat is dry and you feel the need to get something to drink but you can't risk waking up John when he's sleeping. You rest for a while and wait for him to get up. He snores once and then smacks his mouth. He lifts his head up. Noticing that he just drooled all over you. He covers his mouth with his hands. He looks down at the puddle and than up at you. You smile like you are laughing. 

"You're fine, babe."

"I can get you a clean shirt!" John is horrified that he 'slobbered' all over you, you don't mind it one bit. He's been a real comfort to you as you were sleeping and you're sure he feels the same.

"Don't worry about it." You grab onto his waist and try to pull him down. 

"No, take off your shirt." John sits up and makes you get up with him. He's forcing you to undress so he can get you some clean clothes. When John successfully removes your shirt you both start hacking. 

"John." You swallow down your next cough. "Babe, ask your dad for a new shirt if it matters that much."

"Daad." John calls for him to come as he lowers his brows at you. "Can you bring Dave a clean shirt?"

"No problem, son." He calls from the other room. You watch him come in with a basket filled with clean laundry. You change out of your shirt, you're a bit embarrassed that you've been shirtless in his living room, you are pretty sure that isn't normal by the way he's averting his eyes to look at you. 

Mr. Egbert grabs the vapor rub and a box of medicine. John takes both from him. 

"I'll get you boys some water."

In the meantime, John rubbed some more of the gel onto your nose and your chest. Your nose is crusty and your mouth is starting to feel sore on one side. You ask John to put some on your lips. 

"This isn't for that. Oh no. Are you starting to get a cold sore? I'll- I'll get you something for that hold on."

"I'm already on it, son." Your dad handed you the two glasses of ice water and walked out again. John pouted and lowered his brows. He wants to take care of you, even though he's sick himself. His dad came back in under no time at all. He started rubbing a white string of ointment onto the side of your mouth. He was focused on you but he was speaking to John,

"I told you that you shouldn't kiss him unless you wanted to get sick." If John wants to kiss you he's just going to do it. Has to make up for all the kisses he's missed. Mr. Egbert grabbed the medicine and broke open two pills each for both of you to take for your colds. He grabbed the vapor rub from John's hands and after John swallowed down the pills with some water he was about to dip his hands into the gel. John snaches up the small tub back and opens his mouth to speak, you stopped him. His dad is only trying to help so instead of letting John mouth off to his dad you say, "I'll help you, John." 

John's dad left to the kitchen to boil some water, "Hot water and lemon will help your throat."

You dipped your hand into the smooth gel and started gently putting some on John's blushing red nose. You rubbed some onto his chest. You felt the gel on your chest stick to your shirt along with sweat from your back. You really felt gross right now but of course John asked you, "rougher." You pressed down onto his chest as you rubbed the gel onto him. You eventually pulled away from him. He stopped biting his lips once you did. You instructed him to lay next to you again. You're getting a bit worried that he's going to ask for sex right now. You're sure when you get up to use the bathroom he's just going to ask you to get lube.

Eventually, Mr. Egbert came back with some hot water. The two of you sat up, you swilled down half of the cup. John sipped it lightly. He also brought you honey-ginger cough drops. 

"Are you two going to sleep out here again tonight?" Your dad asks.

"Yes." John coughs. "What time is it."

"10, I was actually thinking about going to bed soon." Mr. Egbert sounds worried about you two. "I can stay up a bit longer if you need."

"We're okay." You sniffled as you spoke. Your katana is under the couch, you're good.

"I think we'll be fine." John sounds so congested. Even more than you do. 

"You sure you'll be okay?" He asks again. "Nothing else you're going to need?"

"I _want_ to take a shower I feel disgusting." John coughs. "but I'm too tired."

"Maybe sleep for a bit and see how you feel when you get up again." You suggest to him, "I probably need one too but I'm-" -you yawn as you speak- "to tired."

"Drink some more before you sleep." Mr. Egbert watched you both sip on the water he boiled for you. When John decided he had enough he instructed you to give the mug to his dad, after he took it John started forcing you to lay back down on the couch. He really wants to sleep again.

"Goodnight, boys." Mr. Egbert turned off the light for you both. 

John cuddled up to your neck as his dad shut the door.

"Hand job, please." John pats your chest.

For some reason that didn't take you by surprise.

"You honestly think you can cum?" You cough into your arm.

"I'm not asking for one." He sounds tired. "I'm asking if I can give one."

"You sound too tired for that."

John sits up a bit and wiggles his head around to get his bangs to stop sticking to his face. 

"Would it be okay if I gave you a handjob, my sweet darling husband?"

"Okay." You cave. "Hold on- wait... why?"

"Because I like feeling- hmmm... I like playing around with your cock and I like pleasing you too. Makes me feel good. If you let me it would be probably better for me than it would be for you." He spits into his hand. He moves his hand up to get you to spit into it too. He gently starts rubbing it on your semi. You breathe out of your mouth and lightly moan at the feeling. He still has a tiny amount of the rub on his hand. Your dick is a bit sensitive to his touch. John is giggling. He kisses your neck once and pulls away to watch himself work on your cock. You're getting hard now. You thought you would be to tired for this but you start thrusting your hips a bit into his hand. He's gripping you tighter and pulling you faster. You just want to cum and than take a nap. You love the feeling but you really are feeling sleepy now. You close your eyes as he pumps you faster and faster. You almost doze off but John starts sweet talking you, "you're such a good husband. Letting me play around with you. I want to make you feel nice, you like it?"

"I love it."

"-and I love you, Dave." He kisses your clothed chest. "I can hear your heartbeat. You're still tired aren't you?"

"Yeah." You cough. 

John hums and laughs. He starts pulling onto your faster, his grip is tight and his palms are drenched. You buckle your hips and softly moan. John keeps pumping his cock faster up and down your shaft. You let out a low groan. You're getting so close.

"I know you wan-" His throat sounds so dry as he speaks, suddenly John starts hacking. "I-" He hacks again. He has to pull his hand off of your dick to cover his mouth with his arm. 

"Are you okay, babe?" You pat his back. 

He nods his head. "Hold-" He coughs again. "Hold on." John sits up and out stretched his hand to grab a glass of water. He takes a big gulp.

"Ugh." He sounds so defeated. "You were close."

"It's okay, babe, honestly." You sit up so you can drink some water from your own glass. Your erect dick still hanging out in the open. "You've edged me before."

"Ha." John coughed again. He swallowed down some more water. He grabbed yours and put it back. "Well, I'm really sorry that I got sick too, I just wanted to keep close to you because you're so special to me, but I swear I'm going to take _good care _of you."

Your heart jumps in your chest. You know John hates romantic 'sappy crap' but he's really saying all of this for your sake right now.

"I'll try again, okay!" John started rubbing his hand up and down your shaft. Slowly. Slowly. Slower. He's starting to nod off. He loosened his grip on you. You're fine with that. You sigh and start moving his hand off of you. John shoot up and starts fiercely stroking you. He's really focused on getting you off. "You gonna cum." He coughs into his other hand. John's making a determined face, like he can't let himself rest until he's finished making you finish. You help by pumping your hips into his closed fist. You tense yourself up and try to force yourself to cum. Biting down on your bottom lip, you picture John making that face, that one where his lips are all parted and his brows are lowered. 

You finish your load into John's closed palm. Your eyes are shut closed tight and when you open them up again, John is frantically taking tissues out of a box. He's wiping down his hand and trying to clean up your dick. 

"Hey hey-" you pat his arm. Suddenly you realize that the room is bright. It's morning. 

John makes an enraged gesture, like he's frustrated with you for not understanding something. He says words that you don't comprehend due to just waking up. "I feel asleep with my hand on your dick, Dave!" John sounds really alert for how congested he is. You wonder why that is for a second. Then when it hits you, you shoot up. 

"Did your dad come in?!" 

"No, but he's going to in like a hot minute, so help would be nice!" John is looking at you like you're nuts.

You pull up your gray sweatpants over your dick. You've sweated enough in them anyway, they are already messy and disguising. You gesture to John that he should go upstairs, you wanna use the bathroom yourself, but he should go first seeing that his hand is covered in dried cum, "go upstairs and take a shower, I'll take one after you."

"Okay. Alright." John sat up from the couch. Suddenly he gets onto the floor. "Ow. Ow. Ow. My head." He's nursing his forehead with a relaxed palm. 

You drag your top half over to the floor, your legs are too tired to move onto the floor so you keep your bottom half resting on the couch. "We need to drink more water." You cough into your palm, "that or Gatorade."

"No water-talk right now." John lifts up his hand to silence you. "I have to take a piss."

"Same here. Wicked mad piss." You nod in agreement.

"Like an angry piss." John's eyes are shut so tightly closed. 

"Yeah, man." You cough into your hand. You sniff some snot back up your nose. "Wicked angry."

"Come on then." John sits up from off of the floor. "We'll take turns."

You drag yourself off the couch and then stand up. You and John both struggle to walk. You're feeling weighted down by this headache you didn't even realize you had till you stood up straight. 

John wipes his nose with the back of his cum-free hand and you mimic the gesture. Ugh. You didn't even notice that you had dried snot crumbs littering your nostrils till now. This isn't the way you wanted to kick off your new life with John, but there is something kind of blissful about how John would grab your snot covered hand with his semi-clean one to guide you up the stairs.

You're halfway up the steps, and at this point, both of you holding each other up. John is leaning his head onto your shoulder, his headache is splitting his skull open but he keeps walking on anyway, you don't think even God could stop him from taking that shower. You walk John into the bathroom, the two of you wash your hands together, side by side. John tells you to leave and shut the door behind you so he can piss. You wait outside the bathroom door for your turn. You hear John turn on the fan inside the bathroom, probably to cover up the sounds of him unleashing his piss stream. 

You blankly look at nothing as you wait in the hall for him to finish up. Across from you, you see the blurred, vague image of your dad's bedroom wall. You hear that John's dad is up, he's on the phone. You lean against the wall with your arms crossed and listen in,

"-I'm sorry, both of them are sick with head colds."

You hear Dr. Serket's voice, "It's just one thing after another with those boys." She lets out a faint, helpless laugh. 

Your dad laughs, he has a proud kind of tone in his voice as he says, "don't you worry. I've been making sure that they're drinking a lot of fluids, you'd be pleased to hear that I bought some ginger and honey, I'm going going to make them some tea right now seeing that they are both up. And I'm going to take this as an opportunity to try out a remedy that my wife came up with years ago."

"Ah well, with that knowledge I'll leave you to it. Tell both of those boys I said get well soon." She phrases it almost like she's ready to make a playful threat that you and John better get well or else.

"I will, doctor." John's dad sounds content with Serket's tone.

"Actually, best wishes to all of you! I'm looking forward to your updates on how things are in the Egbert household. And the moment John feels better you tell him to give me a ring! I'd love to chat with him and then schedule up another session! Now, I'm going to get back to my work! Goodbye!" 

"I'll be sure to make sure John calls the lot of you, I know that Natalie was very insistent about keeping in touch and Vantas told John directly, before we left Houston, to call him and Ms. Pyrope."

"Well, the two of them have grown rather fond of John!" Serket sounds like she's smiling, "and I know for a fact that Teresa loves Dave to death. I can recall over hearing her teasing him once when three of them were walking with Vantas, and pokeing fun of people is how she shows affection. Oh, I just know how much she's going to miss those two."

You remember the beast shoving you with her elbow once, hard enough you had to shuffle your feet to stay up. She had this grin on her face like she was playing around with you and then this kind of look like she was questioning if that was the right move or not. When you shoved her back, she smiled.

The door handle behind you turns and your husband pops his head out. "Hey." John steps out and lightly guides you to hurry up and get in. He really wants that shower. 

You piss as fast as you can and when you peak your head out of the bathroom, you see your husband looking down at the ground, his arms crossed just as yours were. He's intently listening to Aranea and your dad talk. "-John's been in high spirits since we started our journey back here. The whole car trip he was talking up a storm about taking Dave to go shopping and out on one of the nature walks we have here." Egbert's voice starts to become more faint, "every time I tried to even bring up the subject of school or visiting one of the campus's around here, John just changed the subject."

"Ah." Serket sounds like she understands. "I think it's been on his mind, I think you should probably do your best not to bring it up for a while. Just let things run there course, John is most likely already interested in furthering his education, but the two of us should let him think about this on his own time. There is no need to rush him."

"I don't want to rush John, that's never my intent... just..." dad goes quiet for a moment. You can hear him start to whisper, "I want Dave to start thinking about furthering his education too and I don't think he's going to do that on his own... that and I'm unsure if John would encourage him too."

John lets out a low hum. He turns to you and tells you, "go downstairs, sweet pea."

"Kay." You nod and step out into the hall. When John slips into the bathroom you quietly tell him, "hey."

John stops and only somewhat turns his head towards you. You kind of want to comment on what you two just overheard, but you don't know what to say. You get why your dad doesn't think John would want you to go to school, he wants to do all the work for the two of you for the rest of your lives, but you kind of want to share the load. You don't think this is a conversation that he wants to hear right now, not with that headache of his and the dried up still clinging to his forearm. 

You pout at him in a playful way. You give him a look like you're mad he forgot something. You say in a hushed tone, "I love you."

John smiles and allows a laugh to escape his lips, "Ditto." 

* * *

You walked away from that hallway happy. You're glad that you have people in your life that are thinking about your future, you're mostly just thinking of the present right now. You wanna get healthy again and then maybe look into, you don't know, stuff that you could do as a job. 

When you got back to the living room you decided to clean up a little. You grabbed a bunch of used tissues and placed them in the trash bin. Now the damn thing is overflowing so you stomp on it with your barefoot to compress the trash. Now that the bin is half full you can move onto your next project. Picking up all these used dishes and bringing them out to the sink. You grab the mugs and glasses that John's dad left for you two to drink over night and hall ass over to the kitchen. You're surprised to see that John's dad actually left a few things unwashed and in the sink. He must have been really tired cause he never does that. It kind of makes you wanna finish things up.

* * *

"Baby? Su-sugar?" You hear your husband near the front of the house. You call out to him, "kitchen!"

John walks in with a towel on this head, not wrapped around his head though like usual, just placed on top of his head. His black shirt was sticking to his wet skin and he's got on a pair of baggy, navy blue pajama bottoms. His dad followed behind him, both of them look shocked at the sight of you up and at the sink. You sniffle your nose as you hold up a soapy sponge. You guess maybe they look a bit upset because you didn't put away any of the dishes you washed and dried, you just rested the on the counter. Mr. Egbert is the first one to break the silence, 

"Dave, you shouldn't be doing the dishes if your sick."

John pouts as he listens to his dad and then he gives you a glare. It's that kind of warning look like you should stop what you're doing before he really gets mad. You put down the sponge and back away, you give them both a smile and sniff your nose again. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking ab-"

"Damn right you weren't." John huffs at you. "Now you get your butt in the shower before I kick it."

"John." Dad jumps right into defending you, "don't give Dave a hard time when he's sick."

"Eh." John brushes off the comment and lifts his chin up, he's tell you to do what he says and get your ass out of the room, you're already gone.

You hurry out of the room and shut the door behind you. You linger for a moment just to hear how your dad is going to defend you next.

You hear the muffle voice of your husband speak up, "can't believe he was doing the dishes. I really gotta keep my eye on him."

"John." Your dad sighs. "It's alright if Dave does _some _chores, it's good for him to help around the house."

"Ha." John sounds like he's ready to shut his dad down. "No." And then he does.

Dad is slow to counter John, "son, I think you should let your husband help out when he wants to."

"No." John shuts him down completely. "Not having this debate. Dave's done enough chores to last a lifetime, I'm putting my foot down as his husband. He's not gonna be doing the dishes. Period."

"Son, I know you aren't looking for advice on having a happy marriage, and I'm not trying to give that to you. I just want to say this, making a household function is a team effort, a team that all three of us are a part of-"

"I don't need a lecture, I just need a glass of water." John is already walking away. 

"Son, come on." Your dad sounds exhausted. "I just want to talk to you. Don't be like this."

"Hey." John is quick to claim. "Only God can judge me, and I'd like to see him try."

Dad sighs. he sounds dejected. You bet if you weren't sick and tired out of your mind you'd be feeling that too. Instead you're looking forward to that hot shower. 

* * *

Your throat and nose feel cleared up now. You can actually talk without sounding like you're mumbling. You keep drying off your hair with a towel you grabbed from the rack. You walk into the living room and find your husband snuggled up in a sheet and reading that book he picked out a while ago. "You doing okay, babe?" You ask him.

"Huh?" John lifts up his head, he looks at you with those sad bags under his eyes. "Oh, I'm feeling a tiny bit better. Do you need anything, honey? I can grab you some ice water."

"No, no." You shake your head and head towards the door. "I can grab it myself."

"Whoa, whoa." You hear Mr. Egbert out by the door. He moves the door handle with his elbow and pushes open the door. He slips in with a wooden tray in his hands. "Glad I made it in time before you sneaked out again, Dave! While you and John are sick, I'm going to grab everything you two need." Dad laughs and shows you what he's got on his tray. There are two mugs of ginger tea, steaming hot. As well as two white ceramic bowls filled with cut strawberries, slices of oranges. John's dad also cut you a small slice of one of the cakes you still had left over from your birthday. You smile as you sit down on the couch. John's dad puts the tray down on the small table in front of you.

John's dad heads out with claims he'll come back with a nice tall glass of ice water. John leaned forward and took an orange slice, he starts sucking on it rather than eating it. You followed his lead. 

You continue drying off your hair with one hand as you hold the orange slice up with your other hand. John turns to you. He's gazing up at you as you rub your hair dry. The two of you look at each other for a short while until you sniff your nose. Instantly, John starts laughing. You stop sucking on your orange to ask, "what is it?"

John coughs a few times into the back of his hand. "I was thinking about how good you looked and then you did that." He laughed again.

"Sorry, I guess I killed the moment." You rub the back of your neck with your towel. 

John looks back up at you and grins a dopey, cute smile. "You didn't! You just reminded me how much I love you! You silly goose!" He gifts you a big kiss on the cheek with a _"MOWAH!"_ When he pulls away from you he keeps smiling with those cute, buck-teeth and his poor baggy eyes. John seems a bit loopy again, that or he's just lovey-dovey now that his dad is out of the room. John continues on, "you draw me in with how good you look and then you make me laugh. And you've got a heart of pure, solid gold. I couldn't ask for a better husband!"

_Oddly enough... _

You rest your head down onto John's shoulder, he nuzzles his head up against yours. 

_You feel the exact same way about him._


End file.
